Anger, Delays, and a Major NSV..

Okey doke, so hopefully you all can read this entry (and the rest of the blog too) much better now that I've changed the color.. better to be seen than to look "cute" or "pretty" right?!  lol

So I had a HUGE NSV tonight.. So while I didn't originally think I was going to make it to the gym tonight, I made myself go, and while I was too late to do Zumba (which I saw was super crowded, so I wasn't too disappointed).. so I went straight to the treadmills and instead of hitting the "manual" button, I hit the "5k loop" button.. and did my 5 minute warm-up walk, then proceeded to finish my 5k in 41:00!!  HOLY COW!  I'm so proud of myself.. I could have given up.. I could have stopped when my throat was parched (I'm a dummy who left her water bottle at home).. BUT I DIDN'T!  And I prevailed!  :)

Now onto the delays part.. I guess FB pics aren't uploaded as JPEG images, so I couldn't upload them at work and then pic them up like I wanted to.. so hopefully tomorrow night, after I get home from the gym of course, I will take some time to find the originals and get them ordered.. I WILL get this done by the end of the week, damn it!  I am sick of carrying around this half-done book!

And last but not least, the anger part.. but first, a little warning..

** I AM ABOUT TO GET SERIOUSLY MEAN.. IT DOESN'T HAPPEN TOO OFTEN, BUT CERTAIN THINGS BRING OUT THE BITCH IN ME.. "IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DON'T SAY IT AT ALL" DOES NOT APPLY HERE! **

Okay, so on my last post I had someone leave an Anonymous comment (and while I'm okay with anonymous comments, if you have the balls/guts to leave a harsh comment, at least leave your name)..  If you haven't seen it, here it is:

"Sarah, I think that you need to honestly sit back and take a look at your life. Ask yourself if you really want to lose weight. Your patterns and history prove otherwise. Don't let this upset you but take it as a fellow blogger trying to help you out. If you were serious you wouldn't give yourself "breaks, or weekends off" You wouldn't binge on doughnuts. You wouldn't keep switching your diets because they were not working maybe it's not the diet and you would be honest and put up your weigh in and not say that you skipped it or forgot to weigh in. The scale is the one thing none of us on this journey "forget" about that thing makes it or breaks it for us. If you want to be successful you will not even see this as a "diet" this is a lifestly change once you hit goal if you have binge weekends your just going to end up back to where you started if not more. Cut the crap and get a hold of yourself. Do THIS for yourself!! It is the best gift you could ever give yourself. Once you see the scale moving you will not regret it. But to see that happen you have to take action and be responsible for your actions and take this seriously. Don't skip the gym unless you have a serious reason don't eat shit food unless it's going to help you in this journey (which it won't). Yah it may taste good for all of 30secs but that isn't going to get you anywhere and you won't die if you don't eat it. It's not going to be easy don't take the easy way out like you have done previously. It's time to get serious!!!!"

I just want to say a few things in reference to this comment.. One, if you don't like my take on this damn journey, then stop reading it!  Two, if I had time to "sit back and look at my life", don't you think I'd do it?!  Three, my journey is NOTHING like anyone elses.. and that's not just because of my ADHD.. 

Honestly, I forget to brush my teeth some days.. so it's totally understandable that I forget to weigh in.. some days I don't even know what day it is until well into it.. Yes, I agree that the crap food won't help, but I KNOW that I will want crap food when I'm thin.. I want to be able to eat normally when I get "done" with this journey.. This journey is a daily thing for me.. But I know I am not the only one who hits a wall, wonders why they are really going through all this torture (which sometimes it feels like it is), and if it's all really worth it..

My "health" is fine.. I have 33 % body fat (which isn't great, but 1 % less and I could join the Navy), my blood pressure is normal, I don't have high cholesterol, so that is not my reason for doing this.. I want to feel sexy!  I want to look in the mirror and like what I see.. I have been skinny before, and I don't like myself fat.. BUT it's fat that I'm comfortable being.. I've been fat for so long that some days I'm not sure if I want to be skinny and bring on the attention that comes with it.. 

So, Anonymous, if you read my blog with any regularity at ALL, you'd know that with my depression, social anxiety, and ADHD, I'm lucky I'm even doing this at all!  SO SHUT THE HELL UP!  and keep your damn comments to yourself.. or at least have the courage to put your name..