It's official.. I suck at trying to be like other people.. I just can't do it anymore.. Some of you are prolly like "WTF is she talking about?!" and some of you are prolly like "It's about time".. hopefully there are less of the latter than the first one.. but ya never know..
No matter if you believe in it or not, I live with Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder.. It sucks trying to live in a "normal" world and not be able to stay afloat.. I'm drowning in life right now, and while I've been living in denial for a while, I think I've kinda hit rock bottom (yeah, i know it's two different analogies, but I can't really remember a part of the first one).. I have been off of my meds for my anxiety, as you all know, for a while.. and I was starting them back last week.. and then found out that my doctor won't let me do a payment plan (I'm uninsured too).. so I can't really figure out if it's helping or not.. :(
And my Vyvanse, my ADHD med, is free! I just have to get the prescription, which costs me $60.. how shitty is that?! So I've been trying to live without it since August.. and it isn't working anymore.. I know that my ADHD is what is making it so hard to focus on writing things in my notebook.. I know that sounds like an excuse, but seriously I wish everyone could walk around in my shoes for a day.. you'd be amazed..
I hate getting to this point.. and I get to this point frequently.. I am so upset, and I just want to fix it.. but everyone else that I need help from to do it is putting up resistance (it took me 3 minutes to figure out that word, btw).. :(
Oh yeah, did I mention that I'm up to 229.6 lbs again?! Yeah, all that working out, and while I didn't point count, I didn't go crazy (besides that one dinner of 3 pcs of pizza), and I GAINED 2 lbs.. the sad part is I was only up to 228.2 lbs yesterday and that means I gained 1.4 lbs in one day!!!! WTF?! Stuff like this is why I'm just not sure I can do the "normal" diet thing..
The only weight I've been able to keep off is the stuff I lost with the Adkins diet.. anyone else notice that?? and of course, my mom makes it ALL better by asking if I've really been doing WW.. which I honestly haven't but really mom?! Can't ya just shut the hell up?! Sorry this is a long one.. I may take the weekend off blogging to reflect on what I'm going to do..
Do I stop weighing in until the new year?
I know I'm going back to weighing in once a week..
But do I hope I get my meds again to help do WW, and start again in the new year?
Do I just say screw it and give up? (nah, that's not really an option)..
Do I just keep trying to maintain and start the Adkins diet in the new year?
I just don't know anymore.. But "normal" ain't me.. as much as I wish it was..
Weigh in once a week. At first it was REALLY hard for me. But once I accepted that my weight will change day to day, I slowly started weighing in less and less. Now I just weigh in on Wednesday mornings, right after I wake up. I am at peace with myself and my weight this way. It allows me to focus on the bigger picture. Good luck with whatever you decide. Just don't give up!
ReplyDeleteDon't give up! Weight Watchers WILL work, but you get out of it what you put in. If you aren't counting the points, it's quite possible you are eating well over your daily allowance without realizing it. Adkins is difficult to maintain in the long run. Have you talked to your WW leader about this? He or she might have some great ideas. They are awesome fountains of information. Also, if you've been working out a lot you may be gaining muscle. If you are busting your ass at the gym, start paying more attention to how your clothes are fitting...that's the true test!
ReplyDeleteI agree with not weighing in every day. We fluctuate so much you can't really tell how things are doing if you're checking every day.
ReplyDeleteI know that having to take meds for any issues really sucks.. but it does make a difference. I am on anti-depression meds right now. I had started when I had post-partum depression and then stopped too soon. I have been back on for a few weeks and I am finding everything to be easier to fall in place.
Good luck and hang in there... you can do this!
WoW.. gosh I really feel your pain..I know what it feels lik to live a disease and NOT want to have to take or PAY for your meds. But sometimes we just have to do it because they keep us healthy an on track.
ReplyDeleteDONT GIVE UP..Take it one day. One meal if you have to. Pizza is gone and done with. Today is a new day.
What started to work for me is I did what works for me. I always thought I had to stick to somone elses plan to lose weight..WW was ALWAYS my go to and I always quit about week 3-4..Then I realized.. HEY..I know how to eat healthy.So I started doing what I know and stopped stressing about every piece of food I put in my mouth. I buy ALL healthy food and those are my options and ONLY options enless I eat out. I also calorie count.It is what works for me and you will find what works for you too. I am losing on average a pound a week and that frustrated me. But the last thing I will do is give up. It may take me a year to get to goal. But if I want to stay that way I have to make this the way i eat for the rest of my life. Plus I have learned so much about myslef and met amazing people along the way. I would NEVER give that all up.. For what.. JUNK FOOOD.. No way!!! I am here for you girll You can do this !!
Email me anytime..
reneasiegl@gmail.com
For one, Breathe. Take a step back, sit down, calm down and breathe.
ReplyDeleteFigure out the situation with your meds. You can't live a "healthy" life if you aren't taking the meds that help you stay "healthy" or "normal" as you put it.
Dieting is hard. It isn't a walk in the park for anyone, even skinny minnies complain. So you aren't alone there. Weighing yourself everyday is just silly. you have water weight, stress, yeah stress can add "fake" pounds, and if your not taking meds that help you focus how can you really focus on making healthy choices? In my honest opinion, I would figure out my meds first, then get committed beyond belief to a diet plan. Don't do anything that doesnt feel right to you. Do what feels right and what works for you. WW works for some, but not all. Counting calories works for some, but not others, Atkins works for some, but not others... Do what makes you happy and what you feel works for you. But first, in my opinion get on your meds. Try calling the company that makes your meds, sometimes they offer programs for people who cant afford the meds that they need.
Don't give up! you have put in too much time and effort to walk away now because you are stressed... look at all the supporters you have who are willing to listen and let you vent as much as you need! We have all been here... and this wont be the last time. Just stay on track, get your meds figured out, and everything else will fall into place.
I´m sorry about the situation with your meds, I think you´ll feel much better once you´re on a regular schedule with them. and hey, normal is boring right? don´t give up!! Just try to figure out what plans works best for you, if it Atkins or another low carb diet, then that´s fine, just don´t forget about those veggies.
ReplyDeleteGood luck Sarah! :)
I totally get the ADHD. I am a therapist and know it is real. Sorry you are struggling.
ReplyDeleteTake a step back and a deep breath. This situation sucks but there isn't much that you can do about it. You have to take back control...Don't give up until the New Year or you will be upset with yourself if you gain more over the holidays. Follow the "old" plan and just do the best you can to keep it together. You can do this..we all can.
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