Let's Do This!

Alright, so it's Memorial Day.. which means it Monday.. which means it's the start of me and my BFF's weight loss challenge.. which means 8 have to step on a scale to see what my weight is.. ugh!  So here's the number:

244.6 lbs

I'm relieved that I didn't hit the 250 mark, which was where I'd started last year.. but I'm disgusted that I let my eating get THIS out of control.. :(

But it all stops today.. for now, I plan to count everything that goes into my mouth.. I don't care if it's a diet coke, I'm still tracking it.. I'm going to join WW online (hopefully) next Friday.. I'm not doing WW meetings, as I don't have time to go to meetings that are around me.. I realize that's an excuse, but I can't take off work for them, and I'd rather go to the gym than a meeting I'm not comfortable in..

So, here's to losing 64 lbs! May you go away somewhat quickly and permanently! Lol

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are..

Okay, so i'm back.. Officially, I'll be back on Tuesday... but I'm weighing in on Monday with my BFF Amanda to start our challenge.. :-)

Now it's your turn!  Come back to me! I miss reading comments.. they are really awesome when you have a crappy day.. So please come back..

Alrighty, I got a question for you all that will actually answer.. what are you doing to lose weight and keep it off? My way didn't work too well, so i'm thinking of possibly going back to WW (but doing it online) or just trying harder with the calories.. but I need some outside input.. PRETTY PLEASE?!

It's Official!!

I'M MOVING!

On the 1st of June, I will officially be starting my journey over again.. So this blog will still be here, but won't be used.. Until the 1st, I will continue to post on this blog.. So I have 8 days to get this new site up and running.. oh, and of course, here's the new address.. :)

http://www.findingmyfabself.com

This new blog will not only be about my weight loss journey, but my journey to find myself.. financially, physically, emotionally.. so I hope that you make the hop over to my new blog..

I Say Good-bye, and I'm Saying Hello..

I am saying good-bye today..

Good-bye to McDonald's..
Good-bye to eating bags of marshmallows (in one day)..
Good-bye to no activity what-so-ever..
Good-bye to letting myself eat whatever I want..
Good-bye to not caring about myself enough to fight for my skinny body..
Good-bye to wearing yoga pants 24/7..

I am saying hello tomorrow morning..

Hello to doing as much activity as I can daily..
Hello to my gym again..
Hello to my size 14 (then size 12 and 10) jeans..
Hello to my new fitness apps that haven't been used..
Hello to my ShakeWeight..
Hello to my iPod (that hasn't been used since I stopped going to the gym)..
Hello to Subway for on-the-go lunch or dinner..

While I'm not going to weigh in until the 1st of June, I plan to use the days between now and then to make sure I start with all the right tools under my belt, so to speak..  I don't think I'm just gonna wake up on the 1st and say "Gee, I'm gonna eat 100% healthy daily, go to the gym everyday, and lose this weight so easily".. I know this is gonna be a struggle, so I'm giving myself these days to 'ween' myself off the junk I've been allowing myself the past month or two..

Sadly, the gym thing will be a little slow going, as I've allowed myself to get behind on paying it, and thanks to my shopping addiction (and new car bills), I've been slacking on getting that paid up.. I can say I will have it fixed by the 2nd week of June, if my plans go the way they should.. :)

OH! Did I mention that I somehow LOST (and have recently found) the envelopes to send out the gift cards for my giveaway winners?! Seriously, I don't know how I function some days.. I'm so sorry to the two ladies that have these coming to them.. My intention is to get them on Tuesday and throw them in the mail that day..

Now, I've decided to start answering some comments at the end of my entries.. so please keep them coming.. :)

Kristi: of course I will let you know the address.. lol.. I plan to buy it tomorrow, so hopefully i'll post it tomorrow night..  i'm hoping I can find someone to make it kinda cutesy soon.. :)

Amy: I hope you have a great time in Minneapolis.. I will be there in spirit.. :)

Kelly, SJB and Lyndsay: I'm very happy to have the competition.. and i'm definitely jealous of her ability to lose weight, but i'm happy she's doing it.. and SJB you can so 'borrow' my idea.. ;)

My Name Is Sarah...

and I'm a failure..

Let me explain, before you try to tell me why I might not be a failure.. Because I'm pretty sure most of you would agree with me.. Even if you won't say it outloud.. lol.. Just a warning, this post bounces around a bit, so bear with me, k?! :)

I have officially been on this journey for almost 11 months now.. and I've only lost 20 lbs. And while that is great in itself, I am not proud that I've ONLY lost that much.. I have made excuses so often that I am not sure when I stopped really trying.. I haven't blogged in 6 days, and I haven't weighed in this week because I know it's going to show a gain..

After much diliberation, and silent crying, I have decided that I can not go on my trip to Minneapolis/St. Paul like I had originally planned.. and I was already half packed.. :( Thanks to my denial of the stress fracture in my foot, and my monetary issues that have recently been screwed up thanks to other people, I am having to stay in Indiana and work.. Honestly, I am so pissed at the "other people" that have basically forced my hand in this.. If it had just been my foot, I'd have hobbled with the other ladies that have ailments too..

Another thing that I've decided to do is to start a new blog.. I'm planning to get my own domain name, so please keep an eye out around the end of May as I plan to start my new blog on the 1st of June.. I hope you follow me over there, and if not, I totally understand.. :) The Memorial Day weekend was supposed to be my fresh start.. I planned to take my surroundings (a healthy meeting of health-conscious people) and use it as a jumping off point, so to speak.. Guess I'll have to push myself..

My BFF, Amanda, has been losing weight recently.. I'm so proud of her.. However, a small part of me is jealous of her.. because she is getting close to my size.. SO, she talked to me today about doing a little competition.. :) We would weigh in on the 1st of June, and whoever loses the most weight each month has to buy the other one a piece of clothing (within a certain amount of money, of course).. We both agreed, so this means I have physical support/motivation around me.. yay!

The kicker in all these things?! I have been so stressed out that my body decided I needed to deal with it by getting Shingles.. AGAIN!! UGH! If anyone knows anything about Shingles, you'd know that they are the painful version of Chicken Pox.. :( My first outbreak was at 15, and I've had two now since then.. They basically tell me that I've been pushing WAY too hard for WAY too long.. yay me.. So I'm sleeping more (or trying to), keeping away from anyone that's not been inoculated for chicken pox (or had them already), and loading up on calamine lotion..

So how've you all been?

Takin Some Time..

to work my ass off.. and not at the gym, but for the money.. I am exhausted bc I've been running around for the past 5 days in some way.. and while I'm not meaning to imply complaint (as I love the money and did this to myself), I'm still writing about it to let you know that I am still here, just sitting back and reading more than writing right now.. but I plan to be back tomorrow.. :)

Until I get back, I am going to leave you with a guest blogging post that was written for this blog (yes, it's 1000% better than the last one).. Lydia is a recent college graduate that is on her own healthy journey.. While she doesn't have a blog, she reads mine which makes this even more flattering.. Sadly, it took me a lot longer than I thought to publish this (as she sent this to me before I went into jail), but I finally got to read it and it hit home for me.. So I knew I had to share it with you all.. :) Enjoy!

There are some days when, inexplicably, I feel sad. Every little task seems impossible; I have to wait at every corner, the coffee pot is always empty, and I (over)analyze each of my interactions in a self deprecating manner. When I get in these moods, I get more upset at myself for being upset. I always try to rationalize and figure out the reasons for depression. However, sometimes we all just get in funks. 

I sometimes call these sad days, depressed days. I am aware that depression is real medical condition and I don’t mean to discuss it flippantly. However, I think there is a spectrum of feeling depressed, at some points I feel that way. When these sad days come one after another, and it is harder to find the motivation to eat well and exercise, it could be indicative of clinical depression. It is important to understand depression symptoms so you can distinguish between natural emotional cycles and a more serious problem that should be addressed with a health professional. 

Recently, instead of wallowing in my funk or trying to dissect why it is happening, I have been focusing on identifying ways to feel better.

Whenever I feel sad, my first reaction is to eat a cookie. Although this improves my mood for the thirty seconds I am ingesting it, I always feel worse afterwards. I start to think about how I didn’t go to the gym because I wasn’t feeling up to it, then I crash from the sugar and think about eating another cookie to improve my mood. 

Even though it is hard to find the motivation to work out when in a funk, exercising is the perfect antidote. The endorphins that are released can improve mood and provide sustained energy to attack other tasks the rest of the day. 

In addition to forcing myself to the gym, I have tried to ward off the blues by eating certain foods. I recognize that cookies are only a fake fix, so I read this article on depression dieting tips to see if there were foods that would help. I was surprised to learn that carbo loading might help prepare you for a big race not only because carbs are a good source of energy, but they can also reduce anxiety. Eating carbohydrates lowers stress by raising serotonin levels in the brain.

Selenium and vitamin D have also been recognized as mood elevators. Selenium is in foods, like beans, seafood, nuts and whole grains. By eating whole grain pasta and bread, you get the benefit of carbs and selenium. Seafood is also a good choice because it contains omega-3 fatty acids. Ingesting more of these “good fats” has been linked with reduced rates of depression. The fish with the highest concentrations omega-3 fatty acids are herring, trout, salmon and tuna.

I am lucky that one of my favorite foods, salmon, is full of this good fat. There is nothing tastier than a toasted everything bagel loaded with cream cheese, lox, cukes, tomatoes and onions. Although carbs can help reduce stress, that many refined carbs will negate any potential benefits. Instead of eating this decadent brunch, which leaves me feeling bloated the rest of the day, I make a few substitutions that are just as delicious. I replace the bagel with whole wheat toast and cream cheese with greek yogurt. In addition to being a healthier option, greek yogurt and lox on toast is easier to eat. You can pile veggies on this open face sandwich without the fearing that each bite will destroy the sandwich!

Unlike cookies, eating whole grain carbohydrates, fish, beans and nuts fit into the healthy diet I try to maintain. Knowing the additional benefits to my mood, motivates me to pass on junk food even when I feel I deserve a treat to get out of my funk.

OH!  Just a little PS.. I was given an award over the past week, and I guest blogged (FINALLY) over at F.A.B's blog.. so check it out if ya wanna know what it takes to do this journey with a mental disorder..

Randomness and Guilt

Okay, so I've been off working my booty off these past two weeks.. and while I had a wonderful guest blogger (which I was surprised to see no comments on..), i've missed blogging..  so, to bring my blog back, i'm making this a funny/random post.. enjoy!

** I haven't been using my Camelbak water bottle for over 2 months.. why?!  Bc my filter is gross and I don't think it works the same if I just take it out.. on the SUPER bright side, Target now sells the 3 pk of filters for $10.. WOOHOO!

** Since getting my Android phone 3 weeks ago, I am addicted.. I do everything from this thing.. track calories, find recipes, find coupons, read/write blogs (this just happening today unfortunately), etc..

** I have officially been away from my gym for 6 weeks now.. :(  I feel so lazy and sick of my excuses.. the only reason i've been away is bc my brain justifies spending my money on ANYTHING but my gym membership.. but no more!  I'm paying on it on Monday, and my gym bag is in my car..

** On the 27th of May, just 13 days from today, I will be setting out for my trip to Minnesota to do the Challenge Hearts & Minds 5k with the PriorFatPack peeps.. I'm getting more excited as the day gets closer.. while I haven't ran at all in the past few weeks, I believe I won't have a worse time than my last one..

** I have decided this past week (sorry mom) that I will start looking into seriously moving out of my parents home in September.. Hopefully I'll be able to move out by Spring 2012.. :)  Until then, I plan to buy, or save for, furniture.. Hello, layaway..

Well, I know I'm forgetting stuff, but I plan to be back tomorrow.. hopefully I'll remember by then.. lol

Weigh In and a Food Review

Well, it's been a pretty hectic week for me.. so hectic that I didn't have time to post my weigh in.. so to get it on here, here it is..

227.8

I'm pretty proud of my 1 lb loss.. especially since I was having problems tracking calories a few days.. but this loss is just watching my calories, no exercise (thanks to forgetting to update my debit card information at my gym).. but I'm hoping to get out tomorrow morning, either to the gym or running outside..

So this past week has been super busy, and super stressful as I said earlier.. had my great-great-aunt die a few days ago, her funeral was today.. I couldn't get myself to go, thanks to my anxiety.. why, you may ask?! My anxiety peaked about 4 years ago, when my 26 year old cousin died from kidney failure.. I could barely go up to the casket, then I almost ran outside hyperventilating.. haven't been to a funeral since.. and prolly won't for a while.. just thinking about it last night kept me up crying for a couple hours.. ugh!

On a more positive note, I found this new food packet in my Walmart a few days ago, and after trying it tonight, I had to share.. It's called Tortilla Stuffers from Old El Paso.. I got the mesquite chicken kind, but they have two other kinds too.. it's a low-calorie food (90 calories for 1/3 cup), and I put the serving on a medium tortilla.. I had two servings, and I am pleasantly full.. the only bad thing about it is more of a personal thing.. it needs some kind of sauce, like sour cream, next time.. lol

***** I have not been paid for this review.. This review is purely my opinion, and is to be taken as just that.. *****

Well, crap..

I had this wonderful post about being inspired by people and other stuff, and I just deleted it.. ugh! Well, I'll be sure to try to repost it tomorrow.. Today has been a pretty good day, despite it not starting like I'd hoped.. and tomorrow I won't be able to run in the morning either.. luckily that will be fixed once I get off work..

I was thinking back over the past few weeks, to when I found tracking calories to be too hard.. and after doing it today, I wonder how I got so lazy.. Honestly, it's not that hard.. I look at the calorie content of most things anyways.. now I just have to make sure to put it online.. The good thing about this time around is that, thanks to my new Droid phone, I truly have no reason to 'forget' to track.. the calorie counting app is on my home screen.. so I can't miss it.. :)

I found it hard to get 2000 calories today, believe it or not.. I was afraid if I ate anything else after dinner, I'd go crazy, so I'm just staying with the 1520 I'm at now.. I'm hungry, but that's the way it's supposed to be right?!

Reboot: Day 1

Today started out with the best of intentions.. I was going to wake up at 8am, go for a run around the neighborhood I'm working in, take a shower and be ready by 11.. which is when my shift starts again (it's weird but pretty nice).. HOWEVER, my plans got crapped on by the lovely rain that decided to come in this morning.. :(

As much as I wanted to go run, I'm not ready to run rain or shine.. so I went back to sleep.. lol.. I did wake up and eat a Fiber One bar and for breakfast I ate 1 packet of sugar free maple & brown sugar oatmeal and a large apple cut up.. and I'm having a hard time finishing my apple.. lol

Well, my day is starting off generally well.. hoping for the day to continue to go well.. :)