Inspiration Book.. Part One

For those who don't know already, I got the idea to make an Inspiration Book from Katie @ Are You Willing.. I already have an Inspiration Wall, but what happens when I get down and I am NO WHERE near my house?  Well, this is going into my purse and hopefully will help me conquer those sad/bad feelings.. :)

I'll post pics when it's finished, but I wanted to post some of the quotes I've put in it so far.. They are put throughout (about every 5 pages.. the book is 90 pages)..

** Change; we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But here's the truth: The more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Sometimes change, is, everything.--Meredith Grey (from Grey's Anatomy)

** 'Unless you puke, faint or die, keep going!'  --Jillian Michaels

** It's my life... and I'm worth it!

** Live the kind of life that makes all of your exes jealous!

So far, that's all I have.. do you all have any good quotes that I could use??

The Good, The Bad... and The Smelly?

Yeah, you read that title right.. The Adkins diet makes you smell (some more than others, of course).. I could brush my teeth every hour and my breath would still stink.. I can't stop with the gas (thankfully it predominantly happens at night).. and I'm pretty sure the smell is coming out of my poors.. ick!

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As some of you know, this is my second try, during this journey, with Adkins.. the first time I lost 25 lbs before thinking WW would work.. and I did that first attempt with the knowledge I've had since doing it in 2000.. since then, it has changed.. And I'm still kinda wondering how it's gonna affect my weight loss (thinking it's gonna be for the better).. 

The "new" way of doing the Adkins diet (for me) is to start out on the Induction, do it for 2 weeks, then start adding 5 grams of carbs daily each week (ex. 25 g, 30 g, 35 g) until I stop losing weight.. that will be my daily carb intake allowance.. I plan to still do my "one hour cheat" weekly..

The "old" way of doing the Adkins diet (for me) is to start out the Induction, do it for 2 weeks, then based on your weight loss at the end of the Induction you get a set amount of carbs a day (mine usually was 60 grams)..

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Today I went to the gym.. for about 30 minutes, seeing as I missed Zumba by 15 minutes (damn it!).. so I ran 1 mile and walked .5.. I'm thinking I'm going to get an ankle brace for my right foot, as it seems to hurt anymore when I run.. :(

I was late to the gym (well, later than usual) because I went to Hobby Lobby to get a journal/sketchbook for my "inspiration book".. I plan to work on it over the coming week, and once it's done I will be sure to take some pics of it.. Most of what's going in it is the pics on my "inspiration wall" and some quotes.. I can't wait to get it done.. :)

Weekend with Adkins

Well, I officially re-started the Adkins diet on Saturday.. and boy was it hard.. I wanted a donut so bad (which made me mad too).. but on Friday night I went to the grocery store and then came home to divide my stuff up/fix it so I wouldn't have the excuse of being lazy keep me from succeeding..  I wanted to share something weird with you all: When I am doing the Adkins diet, I bake more than ever!  Not sure why, since I can't eat it, but maybe I like the torture factor?!  lol.. I baked cornbread Saturday and then blueberry muffins (my FAVORITE!) on Sunday.. I'm crazy, I know..

But I didn't eat any of it.. I brought tuna fish, smoked sausage, boiled eggs, cheese sticks and sugar-free jellos.. goodness was I hungry by the end of the day.. and SOOOOO sick of smoked sausage by the end of Sunday.. :)

I'm very proud of myself for not giving in to having the blueberry muffins (or the numerous other things I could have eaten there).. and I was intrigued, because I really, honestly, feel lighter already.. so I went to weigh myself.. and while I was thinking I'd logically see a gain, I saw a loss.. a BIG LOSS!  I lost 6.4 lbs in 2 days!  Is that nuts or what?!  That just makes me crazy because all that JUNK I ate in the last week before starting Adkins is what made me get to 233.. and it's nice to see that crap gone.. Now I'm back to where I was 2 weeks ago.. But I can't make the scale my BFF, so I will not weigh in again until Saturday, and this weight today won't go on my ticker.. It was more of a sneak peek.. 

Hope you all had a great weekend.. Oh, and Tim, the Fighter was great!  Of course, I LOVE Mark Wahlberg, so anything with him in it is FABULOUS to me.. lol

Quick Update..

Well, I weighed myself this morning, and I'm going with what it says.. which is:

233.8 lbs

That is SO much better than 241.0.. honestly, I guess I should have taken off my boots and sweater first.. oops!  So I'm off to build my nice lunch, and see what I could possibly fix for breakfast there.. not eating now, that'll just be hard..

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.. Me and Blubeari are going to see The Fighter tonight.. I can't wait.. Mark Wahlberg is so hot!!  :)

Sorry about the Adkins thingy.. I don't know how to move it.. lol

Honesty Is The Best Policy.. **UPDATED**

I've heard a lot of people say that they read because I am honest.. I put it all out there (well, most of it anyways).. and for the most part, that is true..  I can honestly say this week has been full of omissions.. and I am done doing that.. 

** Omission #1 **  

I have been to McDonald's 4 times this week (sometimes twice in one day!).. ick!

** Omission #2 **  

I haven't been to the gym since Monday this week.. blah!

** Omission #3 ** 

Obviously, with omission 1 and 2 being biggies, I have gained 10 lbs these past two weeks!  HOLY SHIT!  That's the biggest (and most disappointing) omission..

So I changed my weigh in on my sidebar.. this is what I weighed at the doctor's office.. I'm going to weigh in tomorrow morning to make sure it's relatively accurate.. If it's somewhere around 241, I will leave it at the doctor's weigh in.. If it's more, I will change it.. No more omissions.. I will own up to my limitations, faults, and victories!  :)

** UPDATE **  I couldn't help myself, so I weighed myself on my scale before taking a shower.. it showed 235.0.. which means I'm probably around 233ish.. which makes me happy!!  Happy Dance happening now.. lol.. and my hatred for doctors scales is that much more.. grr!  

I plan to start my Adkins diet tomorrow.. I originally planned to start today, but I had no groceries, and that's a recipe for disaster.. so I went to get my stuff, and I came home to fix it all up.. I got salad greens, tuna fish, turkey bacon, asparagus, chicken breasts, ground turkey, broccoli and some other stuff I can't remember right now.. lol.. oh! eggs!  of course!  I'll be eating so many eggs, I may just grow feathers.. hehe

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Oh, anyone notice the new ticker at the top of my blog?  Yeah, I figured this would give me a daily reminder that I cannot will not go to my reunion fat!  I refuse to let myself do that.. So I have 133 days left to get this crap off my body.. 

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So I won't be weighing in again for two weeks.. and if I lose 12 lbs by then, I plan to buy that Adidas gym bag I found at Meijers.. My current gym bag is TOO small.. and I plan to start showering at the gym sometimes, so I need room for the essentials.. So here's crossing my fingers that it all goes the way it's supposed to (as I know normally I can lose 12 lbs by then)..

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I'm still looking for a cute journal/notebook for my Inspiration book.. Oh, and LeAnna, I love your question you had about what I'd put in it.. I'm not exactly sure what all I want to put in it, but I know I'm basically gonna put a lot of pics of me skinny, and write some quotes I have found over this journey.. Of course, the first few pages will be the "before" pictures.. gotta make sure I know not to get back to that..

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So I'm spending my last "carby" day with my two old buddies, Ben and Jerry.. and hopefully will never see their quart-size butts ever again.. now, their teeny-size brothers?!  that's a possibility, but it's a far away possibility..

It's the End..

of one plan, and the beginning of another.. :)

I've definitely gotten more comfortable with the idea of going on the Adkins diet tomorrow.. and now that I know what my paycheck is, I know I can afford to go grocery shopping and get most of the staples I need.. My biggest concern: eating all the salad they say to eat.. I'm all for eating broccoli, green beans, asparagus, etc.. but salad is just SO BORING!  Guess I'm going to have to find some ways to make it more interesting.. I know I'm going to start doing a "taco" salad of sorts.. basically meat, lettuce, cheese.. One thing I will miss is tomatoes.. I love them on salads, and now I can't have em anymore..

I was making my shopping list just a few minutes ago.. It basically is what is probably on everyone else's list too, just maybe not the same versions, as I usually can't eat the fat free or low fat version of stuff..

** 2 dozen eggs (1 dz to boil, 1 dz to eat for breakfast)

** turkey bacon

** ground chicken breast

** chicken breast

** lean ground beef

** salad mix (not exactly sure what type yet)

** green beans

** salmon filets

** sugar-free jello

That's as far as I've gotten.. I have quite a few staples already, so that's saving me some time.. I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow, so I'm going to have her do a blood workup so I can see if any of my vitals improve throughout this process.. not sure why I didn't think of this in the beginning, but better late than never, right?!  lol.. I'm also getting my pills refilled (and hoping that my combo will bring back my energy, because this lack of energy is just not cool)..

Well, I know this is short, but I am so tired, I just can't think too much right now.. lol.. I'll see ya tomorrow morning with my weigh in.. hoping to not see too much of a gain, seeing as I basically have been eating badly all week..

Game Plan..

Okay, so I'd just like to give a few shout-outs in the beginning of this entry.. all the people who have commented over the past few weeks, you all are awesome!  There are not enough thank you's in the English vocabulary to make you understand how much I appreciate you all..  and then to Katie @ Are You Willing?.. her recent entry "Offense and Defense" made me think differently about things.. in a good way.. :)  And I'm hoping that she doesn't mind me copying her with the inspiration notebook.. I have my inspiration wall, but what happens when I am at work (or anywhere BUT home) and I need inspiration?  This is probably where my good intentions falter the most.. I can do great if I'm home 24/7, but seeing as I can't afford to do that, I am going to have to find other ways to make it work outside my house..

Which leads me to my main point.. my game plan.. 

While it is not totally finished, and probably won't be for a few days (or weeks, idk yet), I do have some major "plays" done.. After much thinking, reading, and listening, I have decided that I am going to go on the Adkins diet on Friday..  I'm sticking with my Friday weigh-ins.. I also plan to do my measurements this Friday and continue to do them every OTHER week.. I'm currently looking into recipes for Adkins-friendly meals, as I really don't want to rely on packaged crap.. 

I plan to stay on this diet for a while.. Right now, the idea I'm having is to "re-evaluate" at 180 lbs when I want to switch over to something different (I'll probably do WW, but I'm not sure yet).. so that gives me 40 lbs to wait to worry about "normal" eating.. lol.. I have no idea why this diet works for me.. But as my mom (and lots of you all) has said, it seems to be the only way I can lose weight.. So I'm going with it..

This week, however, is honestly going to be a bad week, food-wise.. as I plan to eat (within reason) a bunch of the foods that I won't be having over the next 60 lbs.. While I do plan to give myself a "cheat hour" every week, after the 2 week induction (usually on Fridays), this way I don't totally binge because I "want" something.. 

This is as far as my plans have gotten.. so for now, anything else will be played by ear.. :)

So how was Wednesday for you?  I'm about to go find out by reading blogs.. TTYN!

Ugh, I'm Confusing Myself..

Honestly, I have no idea why you all still read my blog.. I'm so inconsistent and confusing.. Hell, I'm confusing myself as I write this.. I'm not sure what to do anymore, food-wise.. To tell ya the truth, a (tiny) part of me just wants to give up.. I'm doing my damn best to squash it, but I don't know how to get past all this mental crap.. and that's all it is, in my head..

I read a lot of blogs.. and I'm amazed at a lot of them, but two in particular are amazing to me.. they amazing to me because they are "winning" the weight loss game WITH MS!  Renea and Trisha are doing wonderful, and they have everything going against them.. and yet I can't seem to get on the ball for longer than a week.. ugh!  I've got to come up with a logical game plan.. logical for ME!  BUT the hardest part is where do I start that won't make me feel overwhelmed?

Alrighty, I have a question.. yes, again (hehe).. Does anyone not eat "breakfast"?  Yeah, I get that it's the "most important meal of the day", but I find that if I eat breakfast at 6am, I am eating ALL DAY!  And I have noticed that my biggest "grazing period" is at night, so I'm trying to figure out if I can eat lunch as my first meal, like around 10am.. Is that crazy?

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The confusing part of all this?  I am not sure if I should stick with WW or go with the Adkins diet, like I talked about yesterday.. I got this cute keychain to use to count my daily points (written tracking is just not working for me, never has) that my bestie made me, and then I decide the next day to switch to Adkins.. and the more I think about it, I really don't want to give up fruit, veggies that aren't green, or rice.. I'm still not too sure what I want to do.. I'm hoping to figure it all out by Friday, as I will weigh-in to see how much damage my indecision has done to my body..

I just want to tell myself to shut the hell up.. lol.. honestly, this shouldn't be as hard as I'm making it.. again, back to the mental wall that I can't seem to break down (at least not yet).. But in the end, I will continue to try.. there is no quitting this thing.. Especially since I REFUSE to buy more "fat" clothes..

Learn from my mistakes..

I'm not sure how today's date escaped my memory, but on this date, 3 years ago, my wonderful 26-year-old cousin was taken from this world.. WAY TOO SOON!  I'm sure her now almost-4-year-old will agree with that statement..

You never know how long you have with a person.. and I wish I could go back and do the things I wish we'd have done.. but unfortunately we were never as close as we probably could have been (seeing as we're only 2 years apart).. I guess that's what happens when you don't grow up with extended family, but I had 13 years to try and yet I didn't.. :(

jesy (on left) and me circa 1988

I know that she loved me, as I will always love her and cherish the memories I have of her.. but a little part of me will always wish I had more memories WITH her.. most of the pictures I have are of us as children.. and none of them are of us as adults (aka over the age of 21), even though we saw eachother every Christmas..

Lesson to learn from this?!  Don't take advantage of time.. you never know how little of it there is until it's too late.. Tell those people you love how you feel.. Don't wait til tomorrow, because tomorrow is promised to noone..

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

Is it sad that I actually had to count out how many "chs" there are in that song?!  lol.. I don't do things half-assed (well, I try not to anyways).. Which leads me to my main point of this entry.. I'm changing up my plans.. again..

I've noticed that I am not going in the right direction.. which is of course, down.. I have decided that I am going back on the Adkins diet.. And before I get too many comments on how bad it is for me, or how unhealthy it is, let me say this.. I know that the typical way of doing it isn't the healthiest.. and I do NOT intend to stay on it permanently.. I couldn't live like that.. but I can't live with all this fat on my body, and if this is the only thing I do that makes it come off, I'm going to do it..

I don't know if I'm just crazy, or if it has to do with my ADHD, but I have to have some restrictions on my eating.. so the no-carb thing (and then the low-carb thing) works for me.. It helps me kick my appetite back to where it should be, it helps me not CRAVE junk (aka bread, mashed potatoes, and ice cream), and it helps me get back to where my brain needs to be, weight-loss wise.. eating healthy foods over not-so-healthy foods..

Not sure if I've said this before, but I am not a big red meat fan.. yeah, it's good, but I have to eat it with lots of ketchup because I just don't love the taste.. I'm big on chicken, fish, turkey and pork.. the only time I ever eat steak is when I'm out which, as you all know, I don't do very often anymore.. lol

Of course, this change isn't happening until Friday.. so I'm on a mission to eat as much of my fruit, yogurt, and smoothies as possible by Friday.. lol..

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Onto work changes.. well, I went to my morning client today and found out that on Saturday, she went back to St. Louis, and they forgot to call my company.. :(   BUT, I am now watching their two little kiddos (they are totally adorable) for $200 a week (non-taxed, of course).. yay!  I love watching kids.. I love to get down and play on their level.. Coloring is my favorite thing (which I hear a lot of ADHD-ers are the same way, something about being calming).. and the mom is all about developmental stuff, so it shouldn't be boring!  Woop woop!  Only bad thing is that I now have to change my W-4 witholdings so that I don't end up owing taxes because of this.. but I planned to do that anyways with my state witholdings..

Okay, work boring-ness is over.. lol

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Question of the day for ya:

What is one HEALTHY food that you could eat ALL THE TIME and never get sick of??

Mine is raspberries!  I love them!  They are so tart and juicy.. I could eat my body weight in them and not be sick of them.. lol

Playing House..

I hate to say this, but I really love when my Grandma goes out of town.. but only when I get to housesit.. :)   I get to take care of her two fur-babies, and sleep in her SUPER comfy bed.. and of course, play with her laptop, go through her iTunes (with her knowledge, of course), and other stuff like that.. lol..

She's gonna be gone for 6 days, so I get to spend 6 days "away" from home.. of course, I will go back home to get clean clothes, and food.. but still, it'll be fun to be here without having to worry about my mom or dad (sorry, guys)..  Today has been a pretty fun day.. went to breakfast with my mom and dad at Cracker Barrel, then went to see my bestie, Amanda.. we went shopping at Jo-Ann Fabrics (I love to sew right now, and am working on scrub tops for me and another friend).. and then came here..

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No working out today.. I just didn't feel like it, I guess.. I guess I think that it's my day off, so I want to make it a TOTALLY free day.. Idk, but I think I'm going to keep Sundays that way.. I'll do some form of working out 6 days a week, but Sundays will be my recouperating day..

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Life is going to get a little more interesting, work-wise.. Over the past week, I've heard that two of my three clients will be making changes in the next month.. one plans to move to a facility in the next two weeks, and the other plans to go back to her other son's house in St. Louis as soon as she's physically able.. so I'm not sure what that means money-wise.. and I'm kinda scared, as this sometimes happens with my type of work (home health care), but I'm planning to call the company I work for to discuss options.. While I wanted to get a simpler schedule, I don't want THAT much time off.. lol..

Well, I'm off to get ready for bed (and finish my tv movie).. Hope you all had a great weekend!  :)

Zumba is..

FANTABULOUS!!

I have never done this Wii game before, even though I've said I was going to.. but I finally got it out and "played" it.. :)   and I'm so happy to say that I LOVED IT!!  I decided, since I've been doing Zumba classes, to do the Intermediate 45 minute class.. and while I didn't get a high heart rate (or feel out of breathe), I sure as hell was sweating like nobody's business.. lol

Can ya see my glossyness?!  lol.. I'm supremely happy to say that I will be doing this game again.. maybe every Saturday night?  Who knows.. 

BTW, this is just my opinion.. I did not get paid to say this, or review this game.. I am not liable for anything taken from this entry..

Life.. and all it's twists..

Alrighty, so I know that my blog has gotten WAY off track, weight loss wise.. and I have too.. I am working on this, slowly but surely.. Last week, well let me just say it was a FAIL!  I didn't go to the gym, I didn't track (on paper).. Basically, I didn't try.. I let myself talk myself out of going to the gym.. I let myself go to the donut shop TWICE last week!  WTF?!

I realize that I can't just give up the donuts.. That's not a what I want.. I want to be able to eat a donut randomly.. The donuts I eat are 6 PointsPlus a piece.. which is fine, if I just ate 1.. I eat 3!!  :(   Again, I just let myself.. which is an excuse..

I hate that the week that I worked out so hard, and gained weight, has gotten me this derailed.. Yes, I gained weight (btw, it went back down), but I KNOW that it was for a variety of reasons, and I will have to deal with it.. I'm not going to stop working out (I love it too much).. and I'm not giving up this change in my life..

This week, honestly, was one I am ashamed of.. I called in to work on Wednesday and Friday, for crappy reasons.. I didn't do anything at home that resembles working out.. I slept the majority of the time (which is NOT good for me).. and it stopped today.. Another thing that stops today, my workout-free weekends.. YEAH, that's not cool.. I get home with plenty of time to do something productive.. I have no excuse, really, except I'm lazy.. So I'm off to go try my Wii Zumba game FINALLY!!

Oh, I missed my meeting again (I know, I'm dumb), but I am going to one on Monday to weigh in.. hopefully my 1 lb loss that I saw on my scale will be on theirs.. :)   Be back in a bit to fill ya in on this wonderful workout.. hehe

Money makes the world go round..

I hate that money is so important.. honestly, why can't we all just go back to when a dollar got you a gallon of gas, or a gallon of milk.. and Ebay didn't EXIST!! grr!

So I was all excited, I'd gotten up at 5am (and stayed awake), got stuff done, ate breakfast, and was out the door at 6am.. went to get gas, and found out that my checking account is overdrafted because I forgot that Ebay was sending an "e-check" through in 3 to 5 days for the fees I'd gotten by selling my dad's DVD's.. ugh! I guess I was hoping that it'd take the 5 days not the 3.. :(

So now I have $2 to my name (sure as hell not enough to get me 60+ miles in gas), and I have to call in to my clients.. I feel horrible.. I mean, today was my highlight.. I would have been EARLY to work! Which I normally am, but at 7am it's kinda hard.. I thought of everything before I called in of course.. called my mom (to see if she was on her way home yet), she didn't answer.. my dad has to be at work today (more than likely), but I couldn't take his truck because he JUST went to bed.. and who the hell would I call (that wouldn't kill me because I did) this early in the morning..

This is a lesson to myself.. START GETTING A GAS CARD EVERY WEEK WITH $80 ON IT!! Because $20 worth of gas isn't too much to fork over when it may cost me $65 in wages.. how dumb am I?!

Well, my mom just called.. and I can take my dad's truck to work.. so it won't be a total loss, I plan to go to my later client (I don't want to rock the boat with my first client anymore than I prolly already have)..

Okay, rant over.. looks like I will get to go to the gym today too!! YAY!!

Weight Loss TV..

Okay, so I was reading Blubeari's latest post.. and it reminded me about something I wanted to blog about..

What is with all the weight loss television shows lately?! And WHY do they have to be so GOOD!! lol

So I am like most people, and I love watching TV.. I love CSI:NY, The Good Wife, Hawaii Five-O, Castle (just to name a few).. and NOW, I am loving Biggest Loser, Heavy (new show on A&E), and I Used To Be Fat (new show on MTV).. I think there are a few more that are on (or will be starting soon), but I don't watch them yet.. But there is just something inspiring about some of these shows..

I agree with what BB said about they way they do things on BL isn't for "normal" weight loss, and it's still fun to watch them.. Heavy is really inspiring because they are just SO overweight, and they are doing it somewhat "normal".. and in I Used To Be Fat, they have trainers and SO much weight to lose in like 90(ish) days.. while this isn't normal, it's doable for anyone who has the money for a trainer..

But I like I Used To Be Fat more than any of them.. because they are closer to my age, and they are basically feeling like I do about my weight loss.. I want to live life, before I let it pass me by..

What about you? Do you watch weight loss shows? Do you think they inspire you? Gross you out?

You all are wonderful..

You really are.. I can't imagine doing this journey without all you being here with me.. Honestly, your comments made me cry (in a good way) and smile.. I am not sure what brought on last nights craziness, but it seems to happen from time to time.. I keep going and going, and then something makes me cry (tv show, movie, or commercial) and I just think of everything sad!

Yesterday was something that has been brewing inside my head for a while.. I hate that I feel the way I do, but I know that it is normal and that it really is something that I can conquer.. I know I will LOVE being thinner.. and I had totally forgotten that me and Blubeari had been talking about this "middle syndrome".. where you get to the point where you are about 1/3 of the way done, and you just don't have the same umph that you did in the beginning.. but I hope that I can get back on track.. :)

I am back to "normal" and I figured I'd crawl back to the computer and blog.. :) So, I did a bad thing.. I weighed myself about an hour ago.. I really think my scale is crazy.. or breaking.. because it said that I weighed 225.2 (which would be a 3 lb loss since Friday!)!! I'm hoping that this (or lower) will show on Friday at my WW meeting.. I'd love for the lady weighing me in to tell me I lost something.. instead of just handing me back my tracker..

I took yesterday and today off from the gym.. I don't feel good about it, but I am doing good things with the time, so I hope it won't derail me too much.. I do plan to get back tomorrow and Thursday.. But the good things I'm doing? Finding a certain pair of shoes, make smoothies for a few days in advance, get my room clean, catching up on blogs i follow.. among other things.. :)

I'm kinda scared..

I really am.. I'm afraid that I'm too afraid to be skinny.. does that make sense? I think I'm afraid to get skinny, because I've been so big for so long now.. isn't it just easier to stay the size I am?! I really wonder if a part of me (my subconscious or something) is wanting to scream "I don't wanna get skinny! What if nothing in life changes after you get skinny?!" I know I think this every now and then.. I think looks are important; we all are "programmed" to want good looking spouses..

But honestly, I'm comfortable being fat.. and that's the problem.. I like being comfortable.. (yeah, I just started crying, btw) It's nice to know what life is generally going to bring.. when I get skinnier, life will be an unknown.. and that scares the shit out of me..

This issue is what is holding me back, I think.. my lack of confidence, my anxiety.. now the ultimate question! What the hell do I do to get out of my comfort zone?? How do I get out of my head and just do it?? This is a daily struggle for me.. Case in point, I went out with a gf on Saturday night.. After working all day, I still had a lot of energy and I wanted to go dance.. so we went.. and I lasted about 2.5 hours before my confidence was telling me to go home, that I was (and always will be) not as good as most of these girls dancing.. So I called my dad to come get me, so my gf didn't have to leave..

I really wanted to cry when I was leaving.. I knew this would happen.. It usually does (I think it's the fat-girl syndrome; ya know, the one where all your friends are skinny, and you are the only fat girl).. but it kind of stayed with me this time.. and has lingered..

My self-image is warped.. honestly, I know what I see in the mirror isn't real.. but my accountability pics depressed me, so I'm not doing them right now.. I can't stand to post them.. Most days I can talk myself out of being sad about my body, but today is not one of those days.. I hate how I make myself unattractive.. I know I hate my hair short; I know it looks cute in the beginning, but I can't afford to cut my hair every month.. I can barely get my ass out of bed early enough to fix it in the morning.. So I go to work looking like crap.. yay me!

Okay, end of depressing entry.. and yes, I am seeing my doctor on Friday to get my Paxil refilled.. ;)

Light bulb..

Just this title makes me giggle.. I love Despicable Me so much.. okay, on with the entry..

I was looking through my blog to put my awards all on one page.. and I caught some entries and re-read them.. I make A LOT of promises.. and then forget that I make them.. honestly, I can't believe some of you haven't called me out on it.. lol.. I'd be wondering what happened with the thing I promised to do.. I hate this part of my ADHD.. my terrible short term memory.. But that's another entry.. lmao

I looked at some entries and can I just tell ya, I really forgot what my lowest weight was.. I was shocked to see that I had actually gotten to 220 lbs!! What the hell happened?! Oh, yeah, I know.. I got lazy, complacent, HUNGRY! It's nice to know I'm not alone in the crap we call "yo-yoing".. I can't stand it! But I can't seem to tell myself that ALL THE TIME.. Even with my signs, I still can't seem to go in the right direction weekly..

I'm gonna have to figure something out.. this weekend.. oh boy, I just remembered the weekend.. that's gonna be my first "mountain" to overcome.. to not overeat, to not eat HORRIBLE things.. My WW leader today told me something that I've never heard before.. that we are supposed to eat the majority (if not all) of our Weekly Allowance.. WHAT?! I have never heard that before.. but I'm glad I did.. It makes me feel less guilty for going over my points..

Okay, I've gotten off track.. So I want to apologize for all the hollow promises.. to YOU, to MYSELF.. now I'm off to be inspired more by the bloggers I follow.. Because if it weren't for you all, I'd prolly have given up months ago..

So much to do..

and yet so little time to do it in..

That should be my slogan.. lol.. I find that I keep looking at the clock, thinking I'm late for something, but I'm not.. I have over 2 hours before I have to meet my friend, Morgan, and go to Denny's (more on that further down).. but first, I have SO much to fill ya in on.. good and bad..

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For starters, my ticker is going to be changed.. I decided I am going to start this journey from "scratch" weight-loss wise.. why, you ask? because honestly, I haven't LOST anything since September, in all honesty.. Just gained and lost the same damn few pounds.. Which shows me I need to be honest with myself, and make it clear that while I've lost __ lbs, it's been FOREVER since I've lost any more.. ugh!

I weighed in this morning, and it said I'd gained 2.6 lbs (a weight of 228.2).. and that just ain't cool! I'm very disappointed in myself for letting this happen.. because I was the one who did it.. and yeah, it may very well be muscle (with all the exercise I did, I'm hoping it is), but I know that my eating wasn't as great as it should have been.. Yes, I'm still getting used to the new WW program, but I am lazy and it's not easy to fight something you are used to caving in to.. It's so easy to sit at the computer, watch tv, and eat MINDLESSLY (which I definitely do).. but I have to fight that.. HARD..

I've also decided to go with my WW weigh-in's, as I don't want to be discouraged when the scales don't equal each other.. so as of today, I "officially" weigh:

230.2 lbs

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I am currently at school figuring out what the future is gonna hold.. I plan to graduate as soon as mentally possible, hopefully before 2013 (in case the world really does end in 2012).. I am seriously thinking I'm going to enlist in the Navy (not sure when exactly, but I do know it'll definitely happen when I reach ONEderland, if not before)..

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I printed out a schedule that the Derby Festival put out for all the participants of the Mini-Marathon in April.. I'm sad that I missed the free training session on the 6th (it is free and you got a free t-shirt!), but I am actually pretty pumped at starting this schedule (with some tweaking, seeing as I am not running on weekends yet).. I hope I can follow it pretty much to the letter otherwise.. It seems pretty doable, as it gives Advanced, Intermediate, and Beginner amounts for running..

Hopefully by the end of this training, I will have a pace time that is closer to 11 minutes?! Keeping my fingers crossed.. :)

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Okay, so Fridays are when I try to pack in all the fun I'm missing out on.. lol.. today is no different.. I have plans to me Morgan (one of my sorority sisters) at Denny's.. I am looking at my Dining Out guide as I write this and choosing my meal carefully.. :) And the great thing?! After I'm done eating, I am meeting Blubeari at Coffee Crossing, so we can go ICE SKATING! I can't wait! Especially after reading in Fitness magazine that ice skating burns almost as many calories as snow boarding! Seriously?! May have to make this a monthly thing.. if I don't fall too many times.. lol

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Welp, that's it for now.. Sorry I'm not being good with my accountability pics.. I'm taking them, but forgetting to post them.. :(

How are you all doing? I'm about to go read and find out! :)

Pretty good day..

So far, it's been just that.. a pretty good day.. with only one blip in it.. I was late to work.. oops! thankfully, I wasn't in trouble and I just made up the time at the end of my shift.. my client looks SO much better.. I really hope she gets better soon.. :)

But I am trying to decide right now if I want to give myself a break, and take today "off" from the gym or just suck it up and go.. I know that my day "off" won't really be one, as I'll prolly go do my Zumba game (that I have sadly not tried yet), but it still will be better on my ankle than running will be.. so I think I just rationalized my decision.. PLUS, I'm afraid if I don't give my ankle a rest that I won't be able to do much ice skating tomorrow with Blubeari.. I'm SO EXCITED!! I haven't been ice skating in YEARS! I'm just hoping I don't split my pants again.. :(

Tomorrow is my weigh in.. and I'm hoping for good numbers.. and I'm definitely going to re-measure myself.. As soon as I get home, I will update this blog with all my "sidebar" stuff, and add my pages.. and fix some things.. Oh, and post the accountability pic for today (in my too big Phi Sig hoodie! hehe)..

TTFN!

Awards are AMAZING! ** UPDATED**

Obviously, by my title, ya figured out what this entry is about.. lol.. hopefully..

I love getting awards.. I'm going to make a page for them, I love them so much.. Why do I love them?! Well, besides the fact that someone thought I deserved them?! Well, the fact that they are special.. they aren't available to every Joe Schmoe.. only to bloggers, and creative/good/inspirational ones at that.. So to be a part of that group, feels AWESOME!!
So, this new award I actually got it TWICE! Once from Sabrina (my brain-wave twin..lol) and again by BWB.. I don't think I've ever been given the same award twice.. and I'm definitely thankful.. I wish I felt as stylish as others on here, but I definitely am working on it.. :)

Unfortunately, the laptop I'm on won't allow me to post a pic of the award, but please check back later, as I will put my "nominees" for the award.. :)

** UPDATED ON 01/14/11!! **

Here is the cute award I was given.. THREE times now.. I LOVE you all so much! Thanks again!

The "rules" for this awards are:

** Post and link back to the person who nominated you **
** Share 7 things about yourself **
** Nominate up to 15 newly discovered bloggers **
** Let them know they are nominated **

So here are my 7 things that you are just dying to hear about me.. come on, admit it, you're REALLY curious.. ;)

** I was born with a cleft lip.. Thankfully, I had great surgeons (for the mid-80's) and barely have a scar.. I notice when others have cleft lip scars constantly..
** I didn't become girly until I was 20 years old.. If you saw pics of me in high school, I didn't have any style, didn't care to, and was kinda gross (in hindsight).. Dunno what prompted me to become girly, or liking pink and purple, but I'm all for it now and hope it NEVER goes away.. lol ** My ultimate goal in life is to make my parents proud.. just thinking/writing this is making me tear up..
** One of my dreams is to follow in my dad's footsteps and join the Navy.. to see the world, to (possibly) travel, to serve my country (without getting too dirty.. lol).. I'm planning to meet with a recruiter once I get into ONEderland.. :)
** I am honestly a smart person, but I barely graduated high school.. I would love to smack my guidance counselor sometimes, as she should have told me that I would never make it through Honors classes..
** If I won the lottery, I would pay off my parents mortgage, buy them another house and BULLDOZE the one we currently live in.. Honestly, I would go all Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on it.. lol..
** My (other) ultimate goal is to be a stay-at-home mom.. The only reason I'm wanting to get a degree is because it's not logical to think you'll be married forever anymore.. :( Gotta have a backup plan, because sometimes your first plan just doesn't work out..

Feelin' Good..

I am so on an exercise high right now.. had a pretty good run, not as long as yesterdays, but pretty good nonetheless.. and I ran to a pretty cool movie, The Expendables.. :) I LOVE Jason Statham so much! hehe

Okay, so today was a pretty great day.. after the ambulance thing, that is.. Went to the gym, after almost talking myself out of it (I was having a very gassy evening.. lmao).. which I am so proud of myself for going.. :) and I ran 1.5 miles, and walked about .5 more.. then I noticed that my ankle was kinda sore, so I didn't push for more distance.. and then I went up and rode the stationary bike with Katie and she told me all about her new venture.. It's great! Be sure to check out her blog for details.. yay!

Zumba tonight was great, until the last 10 minutes, when my ankle started to hurt a little more.. guess having 225 lbs jumping on small(ish) ankles isn't always good.. lol.. so I toned down the last bit of the class, and walked it out.. I love that song.. hehe

My NSV for the day?! At the gym today, they were doing free Body Fat % Readings.. with the caliper thingys.. ugh! Those things HURT! lol.. but it was worth it to be told that my Body Fat % is 33%!! HOLY COW! I thought I was up there towards 40%, definitely not 33%.. the Navy (which joining the Navy is still in the back of my mind) requires you to have a Body Fat % of 33% or less.. YAY!! I'm SO ecstatic!!

Now I'm so tired.. I'm skipping my accountability pic tonight.. sorry, but I'm too pooped to take a pic right now.. lol

Well, ain't that somethin'..

Well, for a first day back with my morning client, it was sure a doozy.. I was there maybe 20 minutes when she woke up feeling like she couldn't breathe.. UH OH! Needless to say, she unfortunately is back in the hospital again.. I hope she feels better soon, poor thing.. But I stayed to help with the kiddos for a bit while the DIL went to class.. her kids are so cute (most of the time).. lol

But here I am, sitting at Ivy Tech, checking my mail, doing what homework I CAN do without the actual MyMathLab CD thing, and of course, blogging! :) I guess I plan to do whatever I can during these two hours (because with commuting time and all that, it actually is more like 90 minutes), whether it's grocery shopping, catching up on homework, working out (which really ISN'T likely since I work out at night).. anything but going home, because that's just a freakin waste of time/gas..

So I am so excited to see what the scale says on Friday.. honestly, if I don't lose anything at all, I will be kinda dissapointed.. Honestly, even if it's a .2 lb loss, I'll be freakin happy.. lol.. I'm kinda worried how much it's gonna cost to go to my meeting on Friday, though.. Do they still just make ya pay for the week ya missed? So I'd pay $24, right?! I hope that's right, because I really can't afford much more, this paycheck..

Okay, so getting up at 5:30, while not AWESOME, it's not too bad.. I'm still alive, and coherent.. so I guess time will tell if I will make it through Zumba.. lol.. But I am thinking I may make my smoothie before I go to work, and leave it in the fridge so when I come home, it's right there and I don't binge on EVERYTHING I can get my hands on.. kinda like last night.. all that work, and I ate a whole roll of Ritz crackers! CRAZY! I don't know how I did it either.. :(

Well, I'm off to my next client.. Hope you all are having a great hump day! TTYL.. :)

Early Start to the Morning..

Okay, so today is the first official day of my new work schedule.. and it should be interesting, because I had the worst 6 hours of sleep in the world last night.. Kept waking up, knowing I was awake, and going back to sleep.. If ya believe what they say about taking 30 minutes to get back to sleep, I didn't really get much sleep.. :(

But I am hoping for an easy day, as the kids won't be at my first clients house today, so I won't feel bad for not feeling up to playing with them (because they are super cute).. but working from 7a-11a then 1p-5p is gonna get old, I'm sure.. I may have to move my client up to 12, because I can't see spending 2 hours ANYWHERE without wanting to spend money.. lol

OH! I totally forgot to post my Accountability pic for yesterday.. and I'm kinda mad at myself because of it.. I have been trying to get "prettied up" daily.. but I took it, so why didn't I post it?! grr.. well, anywho, here it is..

The hoodie in this picture is the one that I wore instead of the one that didn't fit anymore.. and if I ever say anything about getting my hair cut, PLEASE SHOOT ME! Because it just ain't my cup of tea, as much as I sometimes like it.. I am just going to have to learn patience to let my hair grow out.. or come up with the money for hair extensions.. lmao

Well, I'm off to do my daily stuff.. Hope you all have a great Wednesday! :)

Quick Post..

Okay, so today I had not 1 but 2 NSV's.. I'm thinking that maybe I should shoot for having one every day.. lol.. this is a great feeling! Okay, so I posted about this on FB, so if you are friends with me on there, you've already heard this.. but shhhhh, don't tell everyone else.. lol

I went to the gym tonight.. yay me, but that's not the NSV.. this is: I got onto the treadmill, walked 1/4 mile, then ran for 2 1/4 miles!! HOLY CRAP! That's amazing to me.. I wasn't even hurting by the end, but I set my treadmill for 40 minutes, so I ran for 30 total (plus a 5 minute warm up and cool down).. I mean, seriously, if I didn't think I wouldn't make it through Zumba, I would have kept going, to see if I could do a 5k.. but that's tomorrow's goal.. :)

I'm so happy, if I wasn't concerned about people laughing at me, I'd have done a serious happy dance and yell.. lol.. but I did one inside..

So I did the 40 minutes on the treadmill, 35 minutes on the bike (had 45 minutes to kill before Zumba) watching Jerry Miguire, and then 1 hour of Zumba.. I'm hurting, but I hope it's a good hurt.. We'll see tomorrow..

Oh, and after thinking about it, I've decided to not do morning workouts.. I don't get enough sleep as it is, so I'm not taking one healthy thing away to do another healthy thing (that I do late in the day anyways)..

Off I go to lay in bed and watch Biggest Loser.. :)

Randomness of the day..

Okay, so I'm sitting here at work, bored out of my mind (mostly because the weather limits the things we do).. and I go online to check out blogs.. and my eye goes straight to my girl, Katie's, blog entry earlier.. it's about how her 10 year reunion is later this year..

HOLY COW!! That reminded me that mine is coming up too.. I think it's gonna be in June (as that is the month we graduated in 2001).. this is so crazy! I never thought I'd be where I am 10 years after graduating.. Just an FYI, the next rant is not to induce pity, just me blathering.. lol..

I never thought I'd be single, living with my parents, and just having gotten a stable job (for the first time in 5+ years).. Honestly, when I was in high school, I was deluded (seriously, I was).. I didn't have any boyfriends in high school (stupid boys!), and yet I thought I'd be the first to get married, have kids and all that crap, in my circle of friends.. and would you believe that EVERY one of my friends has been, at least, married by now.. most have kiddos.. a few have been divorces once or twice.. but I actually am happy that I haven't gotten to that point in my life.. Yes, I am single.. but I would rather be single versus divorced, be kid-less versus a single mom..

As many struggles as I've had in the past 10 years, I actually can't imagine doing anything different and it turning out better.. I think everything has happened for a reason, and I will get to "that point" where I am completely happy sometime in the future.. I believe it will happen, whenever I am completely ready.. which is where this blog comes into play.. I am happy that I am sharing this journey with anyone and everyone that reads.. It makes it more real, somehow..

But as Katie said in her blog "Operation Get HOTT to wow the former hotties is in full effect!".. So I am stepping up my game.. While I may not have gotten to start my C25K program today, I plan to start it on the treadmill.. and do the Zumba tonight.. and maybe even some weights.. :)

OH! Today I had an amazing NSV! I almost forgot to post about it, how dumb am I.. I tried on a hoodie I have had for a few years.. it's a maroon sorority hoodie that I got for Christmas prolly like 3 years ago.. and I love it! The Phi Sigma Sigma greek letters are bright teal, and I love it! I tried to wear it today (as I'm seriously bloated due to my TOM) because my jeans are a little tight, and I looked down and was like WTF?! It doesn't fit right anymore! It's so baggy! While I hate to say goodbye to it (I prolly will alter it to fit), I am so excited that I've lost enough for it to be THAT baggy! I will take a pic later tonight to show ya.. I mean, my mom even said it's too baggy, and she also said she's noticed my face is getting smaller (which is always the first place I lose, for some odd reason.. lol)..

Hope you all are having a great day.. possibly a snow day? :)

So sick of snow..

Well, it looks like where I'm at is supposed to get 4 to 6 inches of snow tonight.. ick! I'm so OVER snow.. I want it all to go away.. lol..

So I guess I'll keep my plans to start the C25K in mind, but it looks like it's probably not going to happen.. as I can't see myself doing much of anything in snow.. :( I wanted to quickly give a little blip about some bloggers that have been listing some of their favorite workout music's.. PlushBelle, Biggie to Smalls, and Size 16 is fat have all posted their favorite workout music.. and I'm definitely stealing some of their ideas, as I really don't have a workout mix (which is probably why I have a hard time staying on the treadmill for very long).. but I plan to fix that! Tomorrow, regardless of if I get out of work because of snow, I plan to make all my mixes for working out.. and syncing them into my iPod Classic..

I'm off to bed.. Hope you all had a great day, and I'll catch up on more tomorrow.. :)

Well, it's Monday again! hehe

Okay, so last night's post was REALLY long.. I apologize.. I need to get to where I post daily during the weekend, or just leave "unimportant" things out of the update.. lol

I'll figure it out..

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So I've decided to change up my eating plan.. I don't like cooking on weekends, I'm tired enough as it is (don't wanna add an hour to cook to an already sleepy day).. so I'm doing my eating plans for Monday thru Friday.. and this way, I can eat leftovers or something simple on Saturday and Sunday.. logical, right?! hehe

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Okay, gotta give some love to the Clementine lovers out there.. you know who you are, and I can't remember who all loves them (without blog-stalking).. I can honestly say that I am joining the Cutie Love club.. lol.. I got a box of them on Friday, and I have been eating 2-4 a day ever since.. I'm almost out of them, I've eaten so many.. which I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing.. ha

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Non-Weight Loss Topic: School
So school has started back up again, and guess what?! I'm enrolled!! Only 4 credit hours (a 3 credit hour math class, and a 1 credit hour "pass/fail" class).. and the great thing is that there are no due dates for the math class! So my inability to buy a book for another week or two (money issues, what else) won't hurt my grade!! YAY!! Things just keep looking up!

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Totally left my water bottle at work yesterday, so I went to Zumba tonight with no means to hydrate myself.. and BOY will I never do that again! I went on to run a mile on the treadmill after, and I had to push myself to finish my last 1/4 mile cool down.. My head was KILLING me! I knew what is was from, and I walked as fast as possible to my truck, as I had something to drink sitting waiting for me.. Minute Maid Light.. might not be water, but it made my head stop hurting.. so I went straight to my workplace, 20 minutes out of my way home(AND I hit a deer in the butt.. poor thing..), to get this thing.. and it's sitting right in front of me, needing a refill.. BRB..

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Today's eating= okay.. Not great, and certainly not bad.. just slow to start, and picked up when I got home.. but I am still ending the day with my activity points still left, and I'll take that as a small victory.. Tomorrow is going to be a challenge.. I am going to get up early, like around 8am, and see how long it takes for me to do a workout (hopefully starting the C25K program outside tomorrow, if the snow doesn't happen tonight), take a shower and fix myself up.. so I know how early I would have to get up to get it all done before going to work.. at 7am.. eek! I will prolly only do this a few times a week (possibly 3, so I can keep up with the C25K program), but we will see.. only my lazy ass will tell.. lol

I'm working on that last part too.. but for now, I'm off to shower and bed.. Oh, but wait! Here's the pic from today.. all sweaty and gross.. lol

Weekend Update.. and words of the day..

Ok, so I am wanting to cry out for a re-start.. I want to re-start my first week on WW Points+.. I want to re-start the new year.. but i won't.. that is not the way I want to do this.. I need to own up to my gains and crappy days/weeks.. because if I can't accept that I WILL have flaws, then I am not going to beat this thing we call "being overweight".. so I am just gonna have to suck it up, learn what I did wrong, and TRY MY HARDEST to not doing it again! So after I post this, I'm off to find some healthy snacks/lunches that will keep me from going for the Cheetos bag on weekends.. ugh!

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So Friday, after seeing my gain on my scale, I felt defeated.. a little.. then I realized that I didn't do 75% of what I had PLANNED to do.. and that's the majority of my issue right now.. I can make all the plans I want, but I've got to get my head in this "game" because right now, it ain't! :( I was late getting out of my house, so I missed my WW meeting.. and weigh in.. so I'm stuck for this week.. and why didn't I get out of my house early enough? because I was SOOOOO tired.. ha! I'm always tired, this is nothing new.. but what is new?! It's that TOM again! I'm hoping that's why I gained.. but not riding anything on it..

This weekend has been so slow, painful (thanks to that TOM issue), sleepy, and food-crazy! 12 hour shifts are crazy to me.. they basically suck all the good hours of the day away.. by the time I go home at 7pm, because I've been sedentary all day, I just wanna go home and crash.. which is crappy, because I could go out, or work out.. instead, I'm in a funk and can't shake it off.. :(

But tomorrow is Monday! YAY! So much happens tomorrow! It's a new start to a new day.. it's the first day of the Spring semester.. it's the day I meet with my Vocational Rehab person.. it's the day I go back to the gym and kick my ass! :)

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Why is it our bodies crave crap when it's that TOM?! Honestly, I never want junk, aka salt-loaded junk, unless it's that TOM.. ugh! I really want a Big Red from the fountain right now.. SO BAD! But I will keep myself from getting one.. they taste gross now, which is kinda great.. lol

Okay, Sabrina, this part is for you! :) I FINALLY got to go to Whole Foods.. and OMG! I can't believe how much organic food costs! Honestly, I can't see spending that much money on something that won't be in my body for more than 48 hours.. but I did find some things I wanted to try.. like their Smoked Salmon Corn Chowder.. I got 16 oz (and split it into 2-8oz servings when I got home).. I ate about 4oz before I got too full, and didn't really enjoy it that much.. so I threw away the rest, because it can't be good on points, and it really isn't worth eating, so eh.. I also got a blueberry muffin! Okay, so blueberry muffins are my weakness! Honestly, I can eat a whole box of them by myself, if I let myself.. which I don't.. ANYMORE.. lol but look at this thing..

I mean, seriously, this looked so yummy! So I got it home, cut it into two pieces..

and tried a bite.. and was SERIOUSLY dissapointed.. BLEH! I threw both pieces away.. thankfully I only paid like $1.50 for it.. lol

I also got some of the protein powder trial packs that I wanted to go for originally.. can't wait to try them.. :)

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Is anyone else seeing crazy gas prices?! Does anyone else have cities like 20 miles apart that have a SIGNIFICANT price difference?! I do! I live in a small city.. and our gas prices are at $3.19 a gallon! That's for regular unleaded, people! So I went down to Sellersburg, and saw that their Shell station has gas for $2.97 a gallon! That's a $.22 difference per gallon!! AMAZING! I filled up at that last station.. lol

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Sorry I didn't post my accountability pics for Friday and Saturday, but here's the one for today.. nightgown and all.. lmao.. as you can tell by the fake smile, I'm not too happy with myself after this weekend..

Words of the weekend..
** LAZY **
** UNINHIBITED **
** AGONY **

Weigh In #1

Okay, so I was kinda expecting a gain.. but I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't a big one..

225.6 lbs (+1.2 lbs)

I can live with gaining a pound during this week of transition.. But no more! I will not let myself "get away with" gaining anymore.. I can't help but think that even gaining/losing the same 1-2 lbs is just as bad as gaining and losing the same 10-20 lbs, health wise.. And I really don't want to hurt my body than I already have in the past (by losing and gaining and gaining)..

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Good to know I am not the only one who thought that dress was crazy.. While it is adorable, I'm half tempted to go bitch out the boutique who has it up in their display.. eh, whatever, I'm sure some mom will do it for me.. lol

I'm off to have weigh in #2, at my Weight Watchers meeting.. :)

Quick post.. then to bed..

Okay, so I said earlier that I had a pic to share.. and I finally have it to show you! First, a little blurb about what went through my head when I saw it.. I was in GreenTree Mall in Clarksville, Indiana.. had to do a little Christmas exchangin.. lol.. on my way to Hallmark, they have a little display for a local dress shop in my home town, and as prom season has (I think) officially started, they have a really cute dress in the display.. then I actually get up to it, and the first thing I thought was WTF?! and the second, which I think is kinda important, is "if it doesn't flippin' fit the manequin, should it really be being sold to teenage girls who already feel the pressure to fit in/be skinny!?"

I mean, seriously.. this dress is super cute, but what size could it possibly be that it doesn't fit the teeny-tiny manequin?! And what kind of message is this going to give the kids that even I want to cover up (and smack) when I see them walking down the street in SNOW wearing tight short shorts??

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Okay, that's my rant for the day.. lol.. Now, I am kinda scared to see what the scale is gonna say in the morning.. While I've tried to make the adjustment to the Points+ plan, I know I didn't do as well as I could have.. but, on the bright side, I could have done worse! :) My day tomorrow is gonna be a little different, as I am going to the 10:15 am meeting (instead of the 12pm one), I am working from 12 to 4 (instead of 2 to 6) and THEN me and Blubeari are going ICE SKATING and then to eat SUSHI!! I'm so excited!! I figure the ice skating will be a decent form of exercise, and the sushi isn't too bad an option for dining out, I think.. :)

And of course, I can't find my camera right now.. so I will post another "accountability picture" tomorrow.. :(

Just keep swimming..

haha.. I love that movie.. for those who don't get the reference, it's from Finding Nemo (and the sad part is I actually had to look it up, as I was having a brain fart.. lol).. This title was inspired by Mae Flowers comment on my last entry.. so thanks! :)

Today has been a really good day.. and it's only gonna keep being a good day.. I was gonna put that it's just gonna keep getting better, but we are expecting snow here, and I DON'T LIKE SNOW!! grr! But I am eating a healthy dinner at my clients house and then going to the gym to kick my ass into gear with a run (and hopefully Cash Cab.. hehe) and then Zumba..

Dinner is slated to be turkey breast tenderloins, broccoli (this is my favorite veggie, can ya tell?!) and brown rice.. I'm going to figure out points as soon as I'm done with this entry.. :) OH! If I've said it once, I've said it a million times.. I'm a big procrastinator.. I don't know if it's my ADHD or if I just have a hereditary lazy gene.. hehe, that's what my mom calls it (and she blames my dad for the gene).. but I won out today! I wasn't procrastinating in any way today (so far).. :)

I made my smoothie for the ride home tonight, I sliced my apple (which is still uneated.. oops!) before going to work.. and I took my vitamins! Now if I can keep it up for however many days they say it takes to make something a habit, I'm golden, right?! lol..

Well, I'm off to go check on points and start dinner.. hope you all are having a great day too!

P.S. I have this picture I keep meaning to put up here.. and I will hopefully do it tonight.. it's just so WRONG.. But be on the lookout for it.. :)

Struggles..

That's what I've been having.. struggles.. but I think it's partly because I lost focus of why I want this.. and at some point, I stopped wanting this bad enough thinking about how badly I want this.. it got lost in the "everday" coming and goings, I think.. but I am not giving up! Today has started out really well.. I am counting EVERY damn point, to the last decimal.. lol

One of my rules that I made was to eat an apple every day (I meant to put morning, but whatever.. lol).. And I have that down, and another one cut up for later.. I am going to go make my smoothie (for a post-workout snack) after I post this.. and I realized last night that I am not have not been PROACTIVE in my weight loss.. I've just been skimming by, allowing myself "this little bite" or "just a little of that".. So this is me, saying NO MORE!!

I watch all these shows, where overweight people lose weight.. and while I wish someone could just show me how to do this (show me what to cook, how to cook it, etc.), I know that isn't going to happen.. and my mom (God bless her) is trying to help me, but it's not her diet. It's MINE! I'm responsible for my portion sizes, I'm responsible for getting my helping before all the butter and sauces get added..

I'll be back later to go over my food intake, my workout, and anything else I can think of.. lol

What an ending..

Well, I almost just threw my computer out my window, as I want to blog and it wouldn't let me.. but here I am, thanks to a help forum that told me to switch to the old editor.. thanks for the help, people! lol

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Okay, so today was a pretty decent day.. I didn't eat too much, I ate pretty good things (except the cookie), and hopefully am learning what is worth the points and what isn't.. the cookie goes into the "isn't worth it" pile.. lol

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Today was another episode of "I Used to be Fat" on MTV.. and I am amazed at how these people DO these miraculous things in such little time! I want to do that! I want someone there to kick my ass into gear every workout.. I want someone to tell me what I can and can't eat.. that's how I do this kind of thing.. I need to be told what I CAN'T eat.. so I'm going to be telling myself.. for now..

What I am currently doing is NOT working.. I don't feel any better, or any smaller.. I actually feel blah.. and I know it's from my New Years Eve pity party and adjusting to the new WW Points+.. but still! I didn't workout as much as I should have.. and while I still have tomorrow before I have to weigh in (at my meeting and for here), I don't think anything is going to help me meet my goal of staying below 225 lbs.. :(

HOWEVER, I am making sure I work out hard tomorrow (and at least twice!).. Maybe I can meet that goal.. and if I can't, it'll just be next weeks goal.. and I WILL meet it next week! To nip this crap in the butt, I am changing things up.. I am not sure how much I'm gonna change it up, but it's gonna be BIG! First things first, I am going to keep myself accountable.. to YOU! While I somewhat already do that, I don't use it enough.. so I'm making sure I WANT to change enough.. by posting daily pictures of myself!! Here's today's pic..

I think this is part of my problem.. and I'm sure others have this issue too.. What I see in the mirror isn't ANYTHING like I see in pictures.. and it's a form of denial (at least for me).. and I'm sick of it "allowing" me to think I can eat that cookie, or not go to the gym.. I'm FAT! I'm UNHEALTHY! I NEED to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to fix this!

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Another thing I plan to do is to plan my meals (as much as I can) for the WHOLE WEEK! I still plan to pack lunches for my weekend client, but I'm thinking I'm going to start carrying a lunchbag of healthy snacks and small meals with me on days I work.. because I never know if my clients will include me in their lunch/dinner.. and I don't need to miss meals.. oh! and I will also make a smoothie to drink after working out.. so I don't get SUPER hungry on the way home.. and then overeat..

For the next week, if not 2 weeks, most of my lunches and dinners will be frozen meals.. basically it's my go-to way of learning what I can eat and what I can't.. I will add veggies and fruits, of course.. but I need some stability right now, and this is a good way to provide it..

Okay, I'm done for right now.. I'm sure you are bored with reading by now.. lol

Morning, Already?!

haha.. my title is deceiving because I feel like I've been up for like 5 hours, not just two..  but I've gotten so much done in those two hours.. I made appointments with important people, cleaned up a little more, registered for two classes at Ivy Tech, and re-did a few things on my blog (like crossing out my weekly goals that I've done, and adding to my goals page)..

One of my goals (don't know why it took me so long to put it up here.. lol) is to get my GPA's up.. I know I can do it, I just need to find my niche.. and I hope with an 8-week course, I can do just that.. :)  One class I'm taking will help me with another goal: Getting my finances under control.  I'm taking a Personal Finances course, and while it's only 1 credit hour, I hope it will help get my GPA up a little more..  I also am on the waitlist for a Math class.. I like math, to a certain extent, and I hope I can do this one online..

Breakfast was small today, and I'm now paying for it.. I'm super hungry and my mom got me a Turkey and Ham 6" sub from Subway.. which is 7 points+.. the chips are 3 points+.. and the 1 cookie?!  6 points+.. WTH?!  I wanna go throw up now, as I ate it before looking up the points.. :(   Who knew I could have had another 6" sub (basically) instead of 1 little cookie (which didn't even taste as good as usual, btw!).. I do now!

I'm off to eat my sub and figure out a payment plan for my tuition.. :)

Last Post for Today.. I Swear..

Okay, so I just had to post on here about the Michael Jackson: The Experience game for Wii.. I just finished doing this game for the first time.. and..

I LOVE IT!!!

It's almost exactly like Just Dance, but only has MJ songs.. And most of the good ones.. some aren't very fast, but the moves are more powerful.. and then you have Black and White or Do You Remember The Time, which are super fast and super hard.. lol

I did about 30ish minutes on this game, and while I was huffing and puffing, I wasn't sweating too badly (but I WAS sweating, so that's good).. my arms are sore already, which is FABULOUS!  That's what I love the most.. so if you are looking for a good workout game for Wii, definitely try this one out.. :)

** I am not being paid for these statements, and I am posting this as my opinion.. 

I am not responsible for what you do with my opinion.. lol **

Quick post..

I just updated my Mini-goals page (used to be titled Incentives).. check it out, if ya want..

I'm also looking for ideas for certain mini-goals, as I can only shop so much.. lol.. so please email me or message me with ANY ideas.. this may be blasphemous (being a girl and all) but shopping for clothes gets old quickly..

and my question for you all tonight is about my 30 lb mini-goal.. What distance/pace tracker do you use, if any?  Heard any bad reviews of any?  any good reviews?  I was going to get the NikeID, but as my shoes aren't Nikes, I think that is out..  Anyone ever heard of the OMRON GOsmart Distance and Pace Tracker??  I found that one online, may look for more info on it too..

Off to go read some more blogs and do some looking for mini-goal ideas from others.. :)

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Did I mention how excited I am that NKOTBSB is coming to Louisville, KY?!  Seriously, they just added this date recently, and tickets go onsale in 11 days!  I'm so saving money for these!  I WILL SEE THEM IN CONCERT IN JULY!!

Biggest Loser: Couples and Wrap-Up

So just want to start off with a big THANK YOU to all of you who gave me all the well wishes recently.. you all are great, and I appreciate all of you so much!  :)

so thank you so much!!

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Today is the season 11 premier of Biggest Loser.. and while I don't watch all the seasons, I think this season looks intriguing with the 2 unknown trainers.. so I'm starting to watch it.. and be inspired by it, hopefully..  I love Allison Sweeney, I love Bob (and even Jillian too), and I love to watch these people put their crap behind them and change their lives..  Again, I think I'm liking the purple team and the light blue team.. lol

Hannah    &     Olivia

Marci    &    Courtney

After seeing the pink team, though, I may add them.. It's weird, because one girl's name is Sarah.. and pink is my favorite color.. Who knows.. lol

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Today was interesting.. to say the least, I had a big meltdown.. and I think most of it was because my small bedroom was in TOTAL chaos since before Christmas!  I mean, I cleaned out my closet, got rid of a broken plastic 3-drawer thing, got rid of cardboard boxes I was "saving", my donation box is huge and overflowing (that's going away tomorrow on my way to work), I still have my tree up (it's going to storage on Friday, hopefully), and my other Christmas stuff sitting inside my closet.. I mean, seriously, my room was a MESS!  So, after taking a small nap to gear myself up, I cleaned it all up.. I took the plastic thing and the boxes outside (to await our next recycling day in 8 days).. I cleaned up the donation box and put it against a recently cleaned up wall.. cleaned my desk, put up clothes, and I feel SO MUCH BETTER!!

I can't believe it got that bad.. I mean, I know I don't have a lot of time, but seriously if mom's can do daily life and weight loss, I can find some time SOMEWHERE to clean up my little room.. ugh!  

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So obviously I didn't make it to the gym.. unfortunately.. BUT I am working tomorrow and I will be going straight to the gym after work.. TONIGHT, I plan to workout as soon as Biggest Loser is over.. and I may do some stuff during commercials.. :)   I will beat this crap that comes into my life.. I won't let it get me down, I won't gain weight because of it! 

Oh. My. Gosh. Really?!

Just when I was starting to think things were getting better, I go online to see if I have enough money to get gas tomorrow.. and I find that a payment I SET UP for the 7th came out TODAY!!  They had changed it so it posted to their accounts on the 1st!!  WTF?!  This is why I hate online banking!  I can't believe they changed it.. Is that even legal???  I know I didn't do it because I have it written down on the 7th to come out (I wanted it to come out on the 8th but they don't do payments on weekends).. UGH!!

Now I'm on hold with the company (damn people, this is just making me angrier).. "Your call is important to us, please continue to hold, blah blah blah".. I am NOT hanging up, you better believe that.. I don't even know how this is possible.. and now I have a negative balance on my checking account, thanks to them.. after this, I have to call my bank to see what they can do to fix it..  Hey, wait.. it's ringing..

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Yeah, so it's my fault I guess.. I didn't change the teeny-tiny payment date to the 7th like I had the rest of the payments I had scheduled that day.. Well, off I go to get ready for work.. oh! did I mention I tried to call in, and they told me I needed a dr's note because I hadn't given them a 4 hour notice?!  WTF!?  I've never needed one for this client, which is why I wasn't stressing over it.. ugh!!  I can't even think about going to work right now, my emotions are so at-the-surface right now one strange look and I'd prolly burst into tears.. :(

Text my client to see if I can work Friday instead of today.. hopefully he'll say yes.. I hate that I'm doing this.. I really do.. I can feel myself being overwhelmed already, and I can't afford to stop working so much until Feb.. I just can't..

It should be a great day.

NOT..

I woke up today feeling kinda icky again.. after such a nice day yesterday, I thought it was gone.. guess not.. :(   I wish this crap would just go away! But I count myself lucky, as I follow Erika @ Fat Like Me, and she currently has a double doozy she's dealing with.. I'll stick with my ickyness.. 

But still, I tried to eat lunch (after skipping breakfast because I wasn't hungry), and now my stomach hurts.. shoulda known..  but I can't starve myself.. because when I do feel better, I'm going to be so hungry and wanna eat everything I see.. not cool..

I hope you all are having a better day than I am right now.. I'm off to go read more blogs (and race to the bathroom every now and then.. blah)

End of the day wrap-up..

Well, today was DEFINITELY better than the weekend.. I went to Zumba right after work, and killed myself right next to Katie (and another sorority girl that I can't, for the life of me, remember her name.. I think it's Katherine?!).. I told her as we were leaving that I was never missing 2 weeks of Zumba AGAIN!!  EVER!!

I debated the whole ride home what to fix for dinner (as I don't eat until after I get home anyways now).. I decided to fix the chicken thing my client taught me how to make.. so easy, so simple.. and only 7 pointsplus!  WOOHOO!!  Smells yummy, looks yummy.. tastes even better!  I put that with 1/2 cup of canned corn (I hate that it's so empty of nutrition) and a whole can of green beans.. I <3 green beans!  lol

yummmmm.. I figured I'd make two (one for now, one for dinner tomorrow)..

I'm going to have to explore spices.. lol

chicken cooks for 25 minutes at 425.. then put the cheese and salsa ontop 

and cook for another 7ish minutes.. yummmm..

 Chicken, green beans, and corn!  it was gone pretty quickly..

Chicken is one of my favorite foods.. :)

Alright, so I'm off to go take a shower.. because I feel icky.. in a good way, i think.. lol..  And then I'm prolly gonna go to bed.. :)

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Just a little apology from me.. I know I forget things that I've written on here, intending to tell y'all about when I "finish" it or whatever.. I am sorry.. I feel like sometimes I need to sit down and read my own blog to make sure I'm not leaving something out.. ;)    So if I said I was gonna do something, and I haven't.. I plan to fix that..

Tomorrow I am going to do my Michael Jackson game.. and sometime this week (prolly Friday) I AM doing my Zumba Wii game.. and I PROMISE to tell you all about them.. and more than likely post pics and maybe videos.. lmao

Oh, speaking of this, I decided to start my C25k tomorrow, as Monday's are never going to be running days, so why start out on one.. lol