Reboot..

Yes, I really just put that as my title.. because I want to do this with my whole weight loss journey.. Just start from scratch.. and since it's my journey, I'm going to.. lol

I weighed myself tonight and it said 228.8 lbs.. I technically am not "rebooting" until May 1st, when I will weigh in OFFICIALLY, then continue with my Friday weigh ins.. I truly hope May is a great month for me, as April sure has been a doozy.. :(

I'm not sure when I gave myself the pass to eat like shit, but I'm revoking it.. My plan?  To go as basic as necessary, and "earn" the extras like Goldfish crackers and other stuff like it.. I'm thinking Cheerios with skim milk and equal, or oatmeal , with a banana for breakfast; protein and veggie or fruit for lunch; and protein, carb and veggie for dinner.. I'm thinking for right now, I will stick with packaged stuff or sandwiches.. This way I know how many calories I am eating EXACTLY.. 

My goals for April are hilarious.. they were possible in the beginning of April, but this was before I got arrested, before the mom of my kids I babysit decided to give me two weeks off (meaning -$400 income), before my stress overwhelmed me..

 

Original April Goals

** I want to see 20? on that scale by the end of April **

I will be happy if I end April below 230 lbs..  I plan to make it to this by 

the end of June.. I think that's doable, as long as I keep my eye on the ball..

** I will NOT allow myself to "forget" my Virginia plans for the end of the month **

While I didn't "forget" my trip to Virginia, I did have to reschedule it.. I shouldn't have 

tried to do it this month anyways.. paying for tags and insurance kept me 

from saving any money for it.. let alone bail, and the lack of funds..

** I will boost my savings back up **

HA!  While this is an evolving goal for me, we all know that this 

didn't have a small chance in hell to happen.. 

** I will start trying new workouts like I wanted to in the beginning of this journey **

Yeah, I wish I could say I at least accomplished this one.. But I can't.. :(

Well, life has certainly thrown me some whoppers this month, but Sunday starts a fresh month, and I plan to strive for greatness with it.. so here's to starting over, and making the new run better than the old.. Does that make sense?!  lol

 

Struggles..

That's what I've been having.. struggles.. but I think it's partly because I lost focus of why I want this.. and at some point, I stopped wanting this bad enough thinking about how badly I want this.. it got lost in the "everday" coming and goings, I think.. but I am not giving up! Today has started out really well.. I am counting EVERY damn point, to the last decimal.. lol

One of my rules that I made was to eat an apple every day (I meant to put morning, but whatever.. lol).. And I have that down, and another one cut up for later.. I am going to go make my smoothie (for a post-workout snack) after I post this.. and I realized last night that I am not have not been PROACTIVE in my weight loss.. I've just been skimming by, allowing myself "this little bite" or "just a little of that".. So this is me, saying NO MORE!!

I watch all these shows, where overweight people lose weight.. and while I wish someone could just show me how to do this (show me what to cook, how to cook it, etc.), I know that isn't going to happen.. and my mom (God bless her) is trying to help me, but it's not her diet. It's MINE! I'm responsible for my portion sizes, I'm responsible for getting my helping before all the butter and sauces get added..

I'll be back later to go over my food intake, my workout, and anything else I can think of.. lol

Almost December..

Okay, so I'm shocked that there is only 26 more days til Christmas!  Where in the world did the year 2010 go???

I'm not ready to bring in the new year.. I'm not anywhere near what I thought I would be.. and I can honestly say I'm kinda scared of Christmas this year.. the food, the ill-fitting clothes I'll be getting from my mom.. yeah, she's in denial about my weight-loss, I think.. or I just wear things tighter than she wants me to.. lol

But I am doing something new, and I'm doing monthly goals.. I'll post them once I get home from work.. and some of them have nothing to do with exercise, but with life..

Fun times will be had in December!

It's Party Time..

just not the good kind.. this party, is a pity party..

**WARNING**   this entry is not to get sympathy.. i just need to get it out there and maybe (if i'm lucky) get some understanding.. because I can't seem to think outside of my little bubble..

i can't seem to get out of this funk i'm in.. it's like a roller coaster (a PMS enduced roller coaster, at that).. i was watching 'ramona and beezus' tonight and i bawled at some of the parts.. like when their older kitty dies, and when josh duhamel's character digs (and later finds) a box where he kept all of the things from his high school sweetheart romance..  who just happened to be with ramona and beezus's aunt.. well, ain't that somethin'?!  right out of a damn fairy tale, don't ya think?!  *insert raspberry sound here*

i don't know where everything went so wrong in my life sometimes.. i honestly don't.. but i do know that this fat pad i've been hiding under is my defense mechanism.. i'd rather be fat and single than skinny and single.. because if i'm skinny (and in my mind, beautiful) and single, then there's GOT to be something wrong with me, right?!  so a part of me doesn't want to find out what life would be like at this age skinny..

have you ever watched 'must love dogs'??  well, you should.. because the main character, Diane Lane's character, has my EXACT name (spelled differently, but still).. and i was shocked!  while it's obviously not how my life has gone out (nor do i delude myself into thinking movies are like my life.. lol), I honestly am terrified by some of the things in the movie.. my ultimate fear is to die alone.. and it scares the crap out of me that my life is only partly in control by me.. the rest is in control by the people around me..

hope you all had a good weekend.. i'll update ya on mine tomorrow after i get back from zumba.. :)

Fantastic Sunday..

Alriiiiiiiiighty then.. so if you have been reading for a bit, you'll remember me saying something about if I go to any fast food restaurant, I will get the kids meal.. well, I ended up going to McDonald's for my dad and was so hungry.. but I stuck to my promise (to you and myself) and got a cheeseburger happy meal.. 

Last time I got a happy meal, they came in the crappy bags.. I was excited to see that they were back to the boxes.. :)  And I couldn't wait to see how tiny the new fry holders were.. and was greatly disappointed.. my friend Cassie got one of the cute mini-fry boxes.. I got a crappy paper wrapper.. :(  But I had no idea they still gave you cookies!  lol.. so sad to get excited over a Happy Meal, right?!  

On to my reason for blogging today.. I went to the gym today (after a 2 day hiatus due to work) and ran another mile.. it was somewhat harder for some reason (maybe bc I wasn't talking to my friend Renee this time), but I beat my last time.. by 45 SECONDS!!  If ya look to the right of this post, you'll see a little section that I decided to put up dedicated to "beating" my mileage time.. I figured I'd try to get to a 10-minute mile before I up my mileage.. But I am super excited that I pushed myself to do better.. It is so worth it.. :)

Oh!  To anyone who has been counting the days (like I have.. lol), it is officially ONE WEEK til I turn 27 years old.. And I plan to make this week a life-altering one.. which will be the start of a life-changing year (it technically started when I started this diet, but I want it to officially start on my b-day).. so check back tomorrow afternoon to see pics of what my first "official" change turns out to be.. ;)

Later taters!  hehe

Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!

I'm about to start working on my accountability wall, and realized that I honestly haven't eaten yet.. I'm afraid that after this past weekend, I'll continue to make bad food choices and not go back onto my "normal diet".. But I need to get to where I'm okay on my feet again without having to worry I'm going to crash and burn again.. :(

Made myself a healthy sandwich.. hoping that I can make up for what damage I did last week.. I'm also gonna do the Shred workout tonight.. maybe I'll get out in this nice cool weather and try running.. anything is possible.. lol..

Off to go do some work.. I'll post pics of my finished wall later.. :)

OMG, it fits!! IT FITS!!

Okey dokey.. one of my presents for getting 20 lbs off was a new pair of jeans.. well, because I was in between a size 18 and 16, I decided to wait a bit until I could fit into a size 16.. Well, my wait is over!!  I went to Target (a store I used to hate, and most PS girls will understand this I'm sure), and bought a pair of their brand jeans in a size 16.. They are a little snug, but they button and I don't have a muffin top, so I'm good!  :)

I plan to post pics of me in my smaller jeans later (once they get out of the wash).. but my title is actually to do with this dress I got from a friend like a year ago.. If any of you have paid attention to my pics, you'll know I'm not exactly flat-chested (no offense intended to those who are).. This has been an issue with fitting into formal tops that are sized with #'s instead of letters.. lol.. I can deal with that, if it means that I'm still my boob-aliscious self.. ;)

So I tried this dress on, as I am keeping to my word and getting out more, for a formal sorority meeting I'm going to tonight.. and was AMAZED when it actually zipped up!!  HOLY COW!  This thing has never fit.. NEVER!!  So I took some pics.. they are on my Changing Thru Pictures page..  Hope you all had a great weekend.. I'm off to cheer on my Indianapolis Colts and eat something before getting my nails done and going to my meeting..

Oops and Thanks!

I'm not sure how I did this, but in my excitement for Monday, I TOTALLY forgot to weigh in this morning.. UGH!  I was so looking forward to seeing how many lbs I've lost since last Monday.. I've noticed things fitting looser, so I weighed myself when I got home from work tonight.. and I was ECSTATIC!!

Tonight I weighed in at 222.8 lbs!! 

That means I've passed the 25 lb mark 

and gotten to 27.5 lbs!! 

I can't wait to see what it is tomorrow morning.. maybe I'll somehow magically lose those 2.5 lbs that are keeping me from 30 lbs.. here's hoping.. lol.. so I didn't get to do my Shred tonight, but I did do 20 minutes of activity.. I hope to wake up early tomorrow and enjoy this wonderful weather for a nice walk/jog.. Gotta start with baby steps, I guess..

I can't wait to get under the 220 mark.. I don't know how long it's been since I've actually seen that number.. and that makes me sad.. because I haven't been happy with how I look for SO long, and I realize that whatever my motivation is (which I'm still not sure what it was in the beginning), I need to bottle it because it's keeping me from just giving up.. I think it's majorly because of you all.. so THANK YOU!  Thank you for keeping me accountable to someone other than myself.. Thank you for supporting me, no matter how.. Thank you for reading!

OH MY GOSH!!!!

Can ya tell I had a good day?!  lol.. I honestly, really truly, had an AWESOME day, actually!  I don't even know where to start, but I figure the beginning of the day is prolly the best.. ;)

So I woke up today thinking that tomorrow started the 30 Day Shred on Syl's blog.. and I honestly am still kinda scared out of my mind about it.. but I made my mind up that I was gonna do it, and I'm sticking to it, dag nab it!!  So I went to work, all normal and stuff, and eventually went home (after some detours to the craft store and Petsmart to see the kitties I can't take home with me).. And found myself TRYING to talk myself into ditching my workout.. the key word there is trying.. I wasn't successful!  YAY!!

Was feeling quite tired (woke up really early, after going to bed late), so I let myself take an hour nap.. and couldn't sleep.. so I just lay there for a while, and then got dressed for the gym and left before I could say something to stay at home.. lol.. I belong to my local YMCA, and for those who have NO IDEA where my town is, or what it's called for that matter, the fact that we even HAVE a YMCA is a miracle..  We have that and a Wal-Mart (which we say that's why we are considered a city instead of a town.. hehe)..

From past posts, you know that I LOVE Zumba classes.. and while I don't go as often as I'd like to, I go as much as I can but they only have classes at night on Mondays and Wednesdays.. :(     So today, Tuesday, they had a class called TurboKick.. and that last part is right, as in it KICKS YOUR BOOTY!!  I had to use my inhaler towards the end, which is saying a lot.. I'm feelin kinda wore out, but I know I'll keep doing it.. :)

Oh, and I found an iPod Podcast for a Couch to 5k program called 5k 101.. I have to use podcasts because I have an iPod Classic.. which is NOT an iPod that has App capabilities.. :(   So I did that after sweating my butt off during TurboKick.. I had to use my inhaler again, but I made it through.. and then high tailed my butt out before I passed out.. that's another blog all together.. lol

My OMG moment happened when I got home.. I've gotten kinda compulsive about weighing myself, which I've got to stop, and weighed myself after I got home.. I'VE REACHED THE 20 LB MARK!!  One day after my girl Katie got to her 20 lb mark, I reached mine!!  I'm exstatic.. nothing can burst this bubble.. or so I thought.. My sorority sisters father just passed away from cancer.. so I am sad for her.. but there's still that lingering happiness in the back of my mind that is making me wanna do a little dance..

So I'm gonna dance a little and try not to cry for my sorority sister.. 

Presents!!

Who doesn't like presents?!  I surely LOVE presents.. and have decided to give myself presents for reaching certain weight loss goals.. like this week, because I lost over 10 lbs. (and have stuck to this damn diet past the 2 week induction), I got myself a new workout outfit.. lol, just a tshirt and shorts, but I really like them.. and I wore them yesterday to Zumba.. So I thought that I should reward myself at certain goal markers..

20 lbs.~ new pair of jeans

25 lbs.~ new shirt

40 lbs.~ new VS bra

And that's as far as I've really thought about it.. lol.. I'm thinkin at 25 lbs (which is also 10% of my starting weight) I'm gonna buy me a bicycle.. It seems like a good idea, and I've been wanting one for a while but it's so hard to think about spending 100's of $ on a good one.. but since the 20 and 25 lb goal are so close to eachother, I figured I'd split em up, and still get a new outfit..