This Past Week = MAJOR FAIL!!!

Well, hello, my lovely followers.. and welcome to all the ones that've recently started following..

As the title of this entry states, this past week has been summed up to be a MAJOR fail.. not just major, but with capital letters.. ugh!  And because I want to get it all out of my brain, here I am.. finally.. lol

I've already told you about Tuesday.. well, the rest of the week, Wednesday and Thursday, was just as crappy.. I ate anything I could get my hands on.. and McDonald's was a big issue for me.. sadly.. I'm not sure what happened, but this week just threw me for a loop..

Now Friday, well that day was a doozy.. I was running late for work, so me being me, I was a little speedy on the Interstate.. so my luck just wouldn't quit being bad, and I got pulled over.. my an Indiana State police officer.. Well, he was nice enough to give me a warning.. I was going 7 miles over the speed limit.. he gave me a warning bc he was arresting me for a 3 year old warrant from another county.. seriously?!  It was for "Failure To Appear" btw..

Even the cop was kinda sympathetic.. which was really great.. he handcuffed me, after I called my mom (to save me from impound fees), with my hands in front of me.. and I rode in the front seat.. I was in jail for almost 4 hours.. worst four hours of my life!!!  And I even had to call the dad of the kids I was babyistting for to let him know I was being arrested.. how embarrassing!  All I can think is that I'm thankful that my parents were so great to come get me out so quickly.. and that my bail was only $500, so they paid the 10% and got me out.. if they hadn't been able to, I'd have been stuck in there all weekend.. :(   So I have to go to court on Monday at 9:30.. and I plan to go with as much information as physically possible..

Oh, did I mention I weighed in on Friday morning before I left for work?!  Yeah, I'd gained 5lbs in ONE WEEK!!  WHAT?!  Yep, that's me.. I can gain weight like nobody else.. :(   This weekend hasn't been much better.. physically, it's been better.. eating, it's been just as bad.. ugh!  Which has led me to realize that I really haven't been taking this weight loss seriously for quite some time..  It's so easy to blame my life, or whatever else, on my inability to permanently lose weight.. but it's not the truth.. the truth is I honestly haven't cared about what I'm doing for a few months.. 

I was going to the gym at least 4 days a week for a while.. then I realized I was getting home later and later every day.. and that was an excuse for me.. now, I'm sitting here thinking "what the hell does it matter what time I get home at?! My DVR is recording all my shows, and I'm not gonna watch them until later anyways.. so why not go to the gym when I could?!"  It's so sad that I've wasted all this time when I should have realized all this earlier.. I've been just coasting by, living life at 50% (if that).. and that's not the kind of life I deserve.. I deserve to put in the effort now, to live a comfy life LATER.. I need to earn my comfy life.. 

So, as of tomorrow, I will be up 90 minutes before I have to leave for work everyday.. on days I don't work, I will get up by 9am.. I will eat breakfast everyday (even if it's just a banana).. I will pack a lunch to eat at work.. I will count calories like a madman.. I will try my hardest to stay away from drive-thru's.. and I will cook at least twice a week (this is not including my mom's cooking).. and I will stop eating throughout the night (big no-no)..

I know some of you are like "HALLELUJAH! SHE'S FINALLY SEEN THE LIGHT!!"  and then some of you are prolly thinking sympathetic thoughts.. but I don't blame anyone for thinking the first thing.. I am hoping this is finally the "light".. especially since in 3 months, I've been on this journey for a year.. and 25 lbs in a year isn't really something to be proud of.. at least not to me..

Weigh In #1

Okay, so I was kinda expecting a gain.. but I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't a big one..

225.6 lbs (+1.2 lbs)

I can live with gaining a pound during this week of transition.. But no more! I will not let myself "get away with" gaining anymore.. I can't help but think that even gaining/losing the same 1-2 lbs is just as bad as gaining and losing the same 10-20 lbs, health wise.. And I really don't want to hurt my body than I already have in the past (by losing and gaining and gaining)..

-----------------

Good to know I am not the only one who thought that dress was crazy.. While it is adorable, I'm half tempted to go bitch out the boutique who has it up in their display.. eh, whatever, I'm sure some mom will do it for me.. lol

I'm off to have weigh in #2, at my Weight Watchers meeting.. :)

Well, SHIT!!

Okay, so while my weigh-in isn't til tomorrow morning, I peeked a little.. and was SHOCKED!  I knew going into this weigh-in that I would have a gain.. but I figured it'd be a pound, maybe two.. wasn't counting on 5!!  Hence the title.. I want to cry so bad, as this puts me right at the 230's, and I REALLY don't want to go back there..

I should have known when my pants barely fit today that I was going to have a bad weigh-in.. So I've decided to make some drastic changes in my diet (because I seem to respond to drastic measures).. ugh!  So the plan is to go online and look up some point values for foods I eat a lot of.. and if I don't know the point value of it BEFORE I eat it, it won't go into my damn mouth.. 

Aka, no fast food.. no junk.. fruits, veggies, grains.. vitamins, and lots of water.. stuff like that.. the normal stuff.. but I can't seem to figure this whole 220's plateau I've been on for the past few weeks.. I feel like I'm self-sabotaging my diet, which is a strong possibility.. :(

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH ME!!  AHHHH!!  I want to be thin again.. I want to be hot again.. I want to cry right now, though.. Off to bed I go.. hoping I can dream off 5 lbs..