Fitting into "something" again..

I was going through the blogs I follow, and Syl @ Live, Smile, Run made me think of something.. We all have that "thing" that we use as a goal point.. some people have exact weights to get to, some people have a size pant/shirt/bra that they want to fit into, and some people (like me) have a specific pant/shirt/bra they want to GET BACK INTO.. here is what I want to fit back into sometime soon..

These pants are what (in the back of my head) drive me to continue on this sometimes crazy journey.. The back story (what, I gotta explain, don't I?!  lol) is really short, but totally important in my memory.. In 2003, I did my first (and only) successful attempt at the Adkins diet.. I can tell you the month/year of this because my brother graduated from high school in late May 2003.. and boy did I look HOT!!  This was the time when I got down to my smallest (178 lbs.).. My brother then went into the Army Reserves and a few months later (October 2003) we went to Myrtle Beach to see him graduate from boot camp!  :)

I was so excited because I was actually able to go and see the beach again.. It was wonderful!  Plus, shopping on the Army base!  Anyone who is a Armed Forces girl/guy will know how awesome the shopping centers on bases are.. it's like discount shopping with designer labels.. haha.. so I got these jeans there for like $25.. And they fit, for like 2 more months.. and they haven't fit since..

I will fit into these jeans again.. and others like them of course.. So congrats, Syl, for fitting into your "something".. hopefully I will be joining you in putting up current pics of me in my old pants.. :)

Fantastic Sunday..

Alriiiiiiiiighty then.. so if you have been reading for a bit, you'll remember me saying something about if I go to any fast food restaurant, I will get the kids meal.. well, I ended up going to McDonald's for my dad and was so hungry.. but I stuck to my promise (to you and myself) and got a cheeseburger happy meal.. 

Last time I got a happy meal, they came in the crappy bags.. I was excited to see that they were back to the boxes.. :)  And I couldn't wait to see how tiny the new fry holders were.. and was greatly disappointed.. my friend Cassie got one of the cute mini-fry boxes.. I got a crappy paper wrapper.. :(  But I had no idea they still gave you cookies!  lol.. so sad to get excited over a Happy Meal, right?!  

On to my reason for blogging today.. I went to the gym today (after a 2 day hiatus due to work) and ran another mile.. it was somewhat harder for some reason (maybe bc I wasn't talking to my friend Renee this time), but I beat my last time.. by 45 SECONDS!!  If ya look to the right of this post, you'll see a little section that I decided to put up dedicated to "beating" my mileage time.. I figured I'd try to get to a 10-minute mile before I up my mileage.. But I am super excited that I pushed myself to do better.. It is so worth it.. :)

Oh!  To anyone who has been counting the days (like I have.. lol), it is officially ONE WEEK til I turn 27 years old.. And I plan to make this week a life-altering one.. which will be the start of a life-changing year (it technically started when I started this diet, but I want it to officially start on my b-day).. so check back tomorrow afternoon to see pics of what my first "official" change turns out to be.. ;)

Later taters!  hehe

Dun Dun Duuuun..

It's Friday.. and I almost forgot to weigh myself before going to work.. but without further procrastination, my weight this week is:

224.6 lbs

That's a loss of 3.6 lbs!!  Holy cow!  I definitely wasn't expecting that.. I was thinking maybe a pound, at the most 2.. I'm very encouraged by this though.. It means that I can keep truckin, without having to be on the Adkins diet forever.. I'm definitely dissapointed in myself though for not waking up this morning and getting to the gym to try to get a better time on my mile.. Well, there's always Sunday, right? :)

Hope you lovely readers and bloggers have a great weekend.. I'm off to work..

Presents..

We all love them, right?! 

Well, I have found something that I am so putting into my Presents "shopping cart"..  Wanna see what it is?

Isn't this top HOT!?  I want it so bad.. and if it wasn't in sizes 0-10, I would buy it tomorrow morning (aka payday).. lol.. so it's going to be part of my "180 lbs" goal.. I still plan to buy it soon, prolly next weekend, but I plan to start a box for stuff I will be fitting into soon.. :)   I know this is probably a stupid idea, as I'm setting myself up to spend tons of money on stuff I won't ever be able to fit into.. but I'm definitely going to use this as motivation.. If I spend $60 on a shirt (yeah, I know, but it's too hot not to get), I KNOW I will do whatever it takes to get my boobs into it.. lol

Thursday, Thursday..

I know that's not how the song goes (Monday, Monday), but dang it, I don't know how else to title this entry.. lol

So I just got home from Zumba and man oh man do I think my Zumba teacher punished me for missing so many classes.. lol.. I <3 her because she cares.. When I say on Facebook that I'm gonna be at Zumba a certain day, she wonders where I was when I don't show up.. And with my morning client being cancelled.. he got better, damn him..;)  I am going to morning Zumba classes again.. I like them SO much more than evening, because they aren't as crowded.. 

Food-wise, I'm doing pretty decent.. I have my bad moments (and they really are just that, moments), and I have gotten to where I can fix them pretty quickly (at least within the same day).. but my fixation right now is grapes!  I wish I could stop eating them, but I can down a whole 2 lbs before I even realize it.. and pay for it for 24 hours.. lol

Hope y'all have a good Thursday!  I've started pretty good and can smell my mom's pot roast ready for me to dig into.. :)

Blog Hop.. So hop on over to these other great blogs! :)

I love blog hops.. I participate as often as I can, and wanted to make sure to let everyone know about it.. so please, join in and then go see what others are bloggin about.. :)

Reached a personal goal..

OMG, I was so excited this morning after my trip to the gym.. I ran a full mile today!!  Holy cow!  I was shocked when I looked down and I'd ran .6 miles, and wasn't huffing and puffing waiting for the time to be up.. so I took charge and stayed at 4.5 mph til the end of my mile.. I finished in 13:30.. Which is my starting point for getting faster..

I have a client that has a runner girlfriend and she's given me some tips.. So I'm excited to get into running like I thought I would be a long time ago.. I'm so bad at procrastinating.. Which is why I haven't blogged in a while.. Well, partly why.. Anyone ever get all into doing something, only to burn out after a while (omg, no way.. never had that happen either.. hehe).. well, I think that's what happened with me..

But I hope this time I will be back permanently.. because I need the encouragement from other blogs and from comments.. It makes me happy when I see how many followers I have.. It makes me happy to see others do so well on their own journeys.. So happy that I haven't needed to take my Paxil for 3 days now.. YAY!!  Always good to get away from a dependency on medications..

Now I just have to tell myself not to try too much too soon with the running thing.. I've got that high where I wanna go back after work and see if I can do it again.. lol

Weight Watchers is wonderful, once you get out of that mindset that you can have ANYTHING.. well, you can, but just smaller portions.. well, I have to ban myself from some things because I just can't say stop with them.. But I figure once my stomach is used to smaller portions, I will try to introduce them back into my eating world..

How was everyones weekend?  Did ya have fun?  Get out in this nice weather?

If at first you don't succeed...

Change your tactics and try again.. and again.. and again.. 

Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?  Try something different if one way of succeeding doesn't work?  I've tried doing a "normal" proportions kind of diet, and I am not doing well at all.. I knew by going off the Adkins diet I'd see a gain on the scale, but when I weighed in on Monday, I was shocked.. I gained 8.2 lbs in A WEEK!!!!  Shows that carbs are the devil.. lol..

So I'm changing my game plan again.. I can't say game because this isn't a game, this is my life I'm trying to make better.. My plan is to join Weight Watchers.. but I'm not sure whether to join online or go to meetings.. I don't really like the meetings because of my anxiety issues.. so I'm leaning more towards the online.. 

I've got to be more proactive in reaching my goals.. With the Adkins diet, if I didn't exercise, I still lost weight.. Now, I barely exercise and that's majorly why I gained so much last week.. that and I ate McDonald's like it was going out of business.. And while I know I should stay away from fast food, I know I can't.. so I'm making myself a deal.. If I go to fast food places, I can't get anything other than the kids meals.. and I have to pick the fruit for my side if it's available.. 

Today was my last day with my daily morning client, so I'm going to take this opportunity to keep my schedule the same and go to the gym instead of work.. I can't wait to go to morning Zumba class again.. It's been MONTHS since I've been to one.. Another change is I'm going back to weighing in on Fridays.. The weekends are too much pressure to have at the end of my weighing week.. So I'm putting them at the beginning, to where if I screw up I have 5 days to do as much damage control as possible.. 

It's killing me that I am so off track at this point in this change in my life.. Honestly, if I had the energy right now, I'd bawl my eyes out.. but I don't.. so I'm off to bed, and then gonna weigh in tomorrow and start my week off right.. :)

Changes, Changes, Everywhere..

I've decided (against my original better judgment) that I am going to go off the Adkins diet and try to do a "normal" diet of watching what foods I eat and keeping track of calories.. While I don't do well with the whole notebook thing, I'm going to try different methods of keeping track of calories (online, on paper, on my cell, etc)..

This change comes after realizing that there isn't much time between now and the holidays (and everything between now and the end of the year) and I've got to learn how to make it through these next 3 months without totally feeling like I missed out on all the food involved.. I mean there are SO many things going on in the next 3 months.. Halloween, my 27th birthday, Thanksgiving, my sister-in-law's baby shower, Christmas.. see what I mean?!  That's a lot of stuff to be happening, and I want to be able to enjoy it a little..

I can't eat much cake on a normal day, so that's definitely not gonna be a problem.. lol.. So I went to buy normal food (YAY!!!) at the store and was kind of overwhelmed by all the stuff I COULD eat, and bought some stuff that I knew was something I SHOULD eat.. and that's the key word there, isn't it.. Most of us eat whatever we COULD eat.. we shouldn't but we do.. Most of us that are getting healthy are eating what we SHOULD eat.. to help our body be the best it could be.. :)

So my dinner is a healthy version of what I really wanted to eat.. Chicken Corn Chowder.. I <3 this soup from Campbell's.. I got the Healthy Request version and you can't tell a difference, taste wise.. another thing that us dieters have to deal with... Things tasting like cardboard.. Why?!  

Off I go to eat my soup.. OH!  And it's time for another blog hop!  Enjoy!

Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!

I'm about to start working on my accountability wall, and realized that I honestly haven't eaten yet.. I'm afraid that after this past weekend, I'll continue to make bad food choices and not go back onto my "normal diet".. But I need to get to where I'm okay on my feet again without having to worry I'm going to crash and burn again.. :(

Made myself a healthy sandwich.. hoping that I can make up for what damage I did last week.. I'm also gonna do the Shred workout tonight.. maybe I'll get out in this nice cool weather and try running.. anything is possible.. lol..

Off to go do some work.. I'll post pics of my finished wall later.. :)

I can do it.. and YOU can too!

Okay, so I did a weigh in today (and I'm thinking of changing my weigh in days back to Friday, but I'll explain that in a later post).. 

Today, I weighed in at:

223.2 lbs..

That is a 2.9 lb gain.. This was disappointing, but not totally surprising. (and actually made me feel kinda normal).. I found that last week was a "ho hum" kind of week.  I didn't get to go to the gym, and I didn't try to do anything at home.. I kept to my diet kinda, and then proceeded to allow myself to cheat on Friday and Sunday.. I don't know what prompted me to cheat on my diet, as I wasn't stressed or anything like the last time, but it happened, so I need to figure out why and stop it from happening again..

I went out on Sunday, got my nails did (hehe), saw (part) of a movie and went to a formal meeting with my Phi Sigma Sigma sistas.. It was fun, and I'm glad I went out.. It was a good day, all in all.. until I got McDonalds.. :(  I mention the meeting because one of my sistas, Erin, mentioned something I've been looking into recently.. ACCOUNTABILITY..

While I say that you all, my readers, hold me accountable, it's more of a "Big Brother is watching" kind of accountability.. I wish I could say to myself "Holy cow, what would my readers say to me if I do this", but I don't do it at the right time.. It's always too late.. But that's not the point.. My point is I have to find my own way of holding myself accountable.. of course, without getting too crazy about my weight loss.. and I've figured that others have some of this kind of issue too..

I've got my "racing platform" hanging on my wall by my bed.. I'm definitely going to use that as my accountability wall too.. Post pics of me over my transformation, post weigh in's (so they are in my face 24/7), etc.. What do you do to hold yourself accountable? Do you have someone else who keeps you accountable?  Do you need someone to help you with your accountability?  

I hope that you, as readers, find something to keep you on this journey that will make you a healthier, happier you.. because even though I'm not even halfway done yet, I know that it is SO worth ever sacrifice I've had to make.. :)

OMG, it fits!! IT FITS!!

Okey dokey.. one of my presents for getting 20 lbs off was a new pair of jeans.. well, because I was in between a size 18 and 16, I decided to wait a bit until I could fit into a size 16.. Well, my wait is over!!  I went to Target (a store I used to hate, and most PS girls will understand this I'm sure), and bought a pair of their brand jeans in a size 16.. They are a little snug, but they button and I don't have a muffin top, so I'm good!  :)

I plan to post pics of me in my smaller jeans later (once they get out of the wash).. but my title is actually to do with this dress I got from a friend like a year ago.. If any of you have paid attention to my pics, you'll know I'm not exactly flat-chested (no offense intended to those who are).. This has been an issue with fitting into formal tops that are sized with #'s instead of letters.. lol.. I can deal with that, if it means that I'm still my boob-aliscious self.. ;)

So I tried this dress on, as I am keeping to my word and getting out more, for a formal sorority meeting I'm going to tonight.. and was AMAZED when it actually zipped up!!  HOLY COW!  This thing has never fit.. NEVER!!  So I took some pics.. they are on my Changing Thru Pictures page..  Hope you all had a great weekend.. I'm off to cheer on my Indianapolis Colts and eat something before getting my nails done and going to my meeting..

One more month..

Okay, so I'm kinda having a rough day, and gotta blog it out.. so for those who don't care, please read the warning below, and decide where to go from there.. lol

** FYI: By sharing this information, I am in NO way expecting sympathy, understanding, a shoulder to cry on, etc.. This is my way of getting it out of my head and hopefully never worry about it again (that last one I'm crossing my fingers about)**

Alrighty then.. My 27th birthday is officially 30 days away.. ugh!!  I never thought I'd be where I am at this age.. I always thought that I'd be married by 25 (even though I haven't dated a lot), have at least one kid by now, the same blah blah blah that everyone thinks I guess.. But no, I'm single, living with my parents (for now), and haven't been on an actual date in over a year (for some reasons as to why this is, please see 'It's a Day of Change')..  I never thought my life would be like this at 27 years old..

All this self-reflection has brought up some serious issues I have with what I've done in my life.. school, sorority, weight, love (or lack thereof).. and my biggest thing I can't get out of my head is Mike.. I was thinking of changing his name, but if he reads this, at least he'll know the truth.. Little background, we went to high school together, he got in touch with me over Facebook, we started talking, and our intentions turned out to be different..  I know he didn't intend to hurt me, but it still happened.. I started to really like him.. and I got burned because of his issues (in a nut shell).. So I settled for being friends.. but I got sick of running on his time frame.. so I said goodbye..

Confused yet?  I'm sorry if you are.. Basically, I wonder if I did the right thing by cutting myself loose.. I miss our random texting convo's.. I miss randomly going to movies.. I miss his voice.. and this all makes me sad.. and makes me feel like a loon because I was nothing to him.. AGH!!  Crappiest part of this is he lives in the same town as I do.. so I have to see him randomly in my small ass town.. in his HOT car.. lol

FINALLY!!

I have been waiting to blog ALL day long.. Honestly, I wish I had a laptop or a Blackberry so I could blog while I'm at work sometimes.. lol.. but I remembered to weigh in this morning and I was SHOCKED, to say the least..

When I weighed in this morning, the scale said:

220.3 lbs

HOLY HELL!  I've lost 30.0 lbs!!  I don't know how that last 2.5 lbs came off overnight, but I ain't complainin'.. lol.. I'm so happy.. I did a little happy dance in my bathroom, and if my parents hadn't been asleep, I probably would have screamed.. Thank goodness I remembered that before I weighed in.. that would have been a damper on my day.. haha.. and theirs I guess..

I'm thinking of changing my goal-reaching prizes up a little bit.. I think they are a little simple for this big thing I'm doing.. It's hard to lose weight, even if it's a few pounds.. I need to recognize that hardwork with more than just a shirt or pair of shoes.. So if ya have any ideas of what I can give myself for reaching my goals, please leave me a comment.. 

Again, thank you to all of you who read this.. your comments keep me blogging.. you all hold me accountable, even if you don't comment.. :)

Oops and Thanks!

I'm not sure how I did this, but in my excitement for Monday, I TOTALLY forgot to weigh in this morning.. UGH!  I was so looking forward to seeing how many lbs I've lost since last Monday.. I've noticed things fitting looser, so I weighed myself when I got home from work tonight.. and I was ECSTATIC!!

Tonight I weighed in at 222.8 lbs!! 

That means I've passed the 25 lb mark 

and gotten to 27.5 lbs!! 

I can't wait to see what it is tomorrow morning.. maybe I'll somehow magically lose those 2.5 lbs that are keeping me from 30 lbs.. here's hoping.. lol.. so I didn't get to do my Shred tonight, but I did do 20 minutes of activity.. I hope to wake up early tomorrow and enjoy this wonderful weather for a nice walk/jog.. Gotta start with baby steps, I guess..

I can't wait to get under the 220 mark.. I don't know how long it's been since I've actually seen that number.. and that makes me sad.. because I haven't been happy with how I look for SO long, and I realize that whatever my motivation is (which I'm still not sure what it was in the beginning), I need to bottle it because it's keeping me from just giving up.. I think it's majorly because of you all.. so THANK YOU!  Thank you for keeping me accountable to someone other than myself.. Thank you for supporting me, no matter how.. Thank you for reading!

It's a Day of Change..

Okay, so I was supposed to walk in the National Kidney Foundation walk this afternoon... and I say supposed to because I chickened out.. I hate doing any activity alone.. I mean, I can see a movie by myself, but that's not happened in a while.. I HATE not knowing anyone in a situation, especially one with as many people that should have been at the walk..

I would have known plenty of people today, as my sorority sisters were walking this walk also (it's one of our foundations we donate to).. but the whole looking for them would have made me panic.. It's happened before.. But later today I realized how disappointed I was that 1) I couldn't see my sisters that I haven't seen in forever and 2) I couldn't walk in honor of my cousin, Jesycka Rhea Brown.. I hate that my social anxiety has affected me this much.. I take that back.. I hate that I've let it affect me this much..  So I'm taking a stand..

From now on, I am going to push myself out of my "comfort zone".. I'm going to go to things by myself.. If I happen to see people I know, that's great.. if not, it's gonna be okay.. I will survive doing something I WANT to do alone.. I can't remember how many events (concerts, parties, etc) that I've missed because I didn't have anyone to go with me.. IT STOPS NOW!!

I will not miss another opportunity because of this.. I won't.. I can't.. My life has become so boring because of my inability to do things alone..